Author: Dan Geddes
Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest
AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest. “Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of…
US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”
WASHINGTON – U.S. State Department spokesman Milo Minderbinder announced today that ISIS must sign the TTIP [Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership] treaty by year’s end “or else we will retaliate with extreme prejudice. All options are on the table!” “Terrorist…
Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass
WASHINGTON – Congressman James Bath took advantage of his proximity to Pope Francis during his address to Congress to steal the Pope’s water glass and gulp some of the sacred Washington, DC tap water. Luckily when the Pope’s throat went…
Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High
WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high. “The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair…
The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”
WASHINGTON – Global leaders negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) affirmed the necessity of secret negotiations for the massive trade and “global governance” deal. “The TPP is for your own good. Trust us,” stated senior negotiator Mickey Cantwell. “Only highly-paid lobbyists…
Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin
NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world. “I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot…
Fan Donations to the NFL on the Rise
NEW YORK – Many American football fans may not realize that the National Football League (NFL) is not a corporation, but a tax-exempt organization. Recently some real die-hard fans have been donating money to their beloved NFL, even though their…
ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin
WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin. Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of…
A Psalm for the Tea Party
1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want–to talk to liberals. 2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves…
Conservatives and Liberals Still Trying to Convert Each Other
WASHINGTON – A new poll of 1,000 American adults reveals that both conservatives and liberals believe it is possible to “convert” other people to change their political orientation. The recent Gallmausen poll found that more than 63% of Americans believe…