Categorized | Music, Politics, Top Stories

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest.

“Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of free trade,” said U.S. trade negotiator Mickey Cant. “Europe could use a little bit more American know-how when it comes to pop music. We are tired of being unjustly excluded.”

Additional leaked documents show that the European negotiators were “horrified” at the prospect of American pop bands entering the beloved Song Contest, with one French negotiator protesting that “American pop is even lower than kitsch and unworthy of Eurovision.”

The TTIP also provides additional safeguards if the U.S. is not fully satisfied with the outcome of Eurovision voting.

“If the U.S. does not win Eurovision, or win by sufficient numbers, then U.S. entertainment companies may sue the European Union in an investor-state-dispute settlement (ISDS) of its choosing so that justice is served,” according to Cant. “We must ensure a level playing field.”

Secretary of State John Kerry did not deny the leaked TTIP protocol on Eurovision.

“We want to be a part of the inner sanctum of European traditions. First World Cup, now Eurovision, and later GMO food on every table in Europe.”

“This will be a great way to have a little less Eurotrash in this world. America will end up dominating Eurovision with our impressive array of American musical geniuses. I have foreseen it,” stated Kerry.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 27 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Dan Geddes is the author of The Satirist: America's Most Critical Book and the editor of the online journal The Satirist: America's Most Critical Journal (TheSatirist.com), an astonishing collection of satires, reviews, reviews of imaginary works, fiction, essays, poems, and satirical news. He lives in Amsterdam.

.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!


Check us out on Kickstarter!


Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

DHgate.com



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial