Door Hits Jay Carney 55 Times on the Way Out

Washington, D.C. – 16 year-old former White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, is in the hospital for observation after being beaten up by a door as he left the press briefing room after announcing his resignation.

Carney, who now plans to finish high school and grow a moustache to try to make himself look older, was surprised by the ass-whoopin’ he suffered at the hands of the door, and was thoroughly embarrassed as the event unfolded in front of the laughing, White House press pool. Read more Door Hits Jay Carney 55 Times on the Way Out

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The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief

If the recent leaks about the US government’s surveillance of all worldwide electronic communications have left you upset or confused, then you may be experiencing one of the five stages of NSA surveillance grief.

Much like Kuebler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grieving over death, the Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief shows the natural phases that individuals go through after learning that the US government has had complete access to all their electronic communications for many years. Read more The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief

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Corman Creates Catastrophe, Kubrick Cringes

Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey was a huge hit in 1968 and also something of a revolution in science fiction filmmaking.

Previous science fiction films had been heavily action-oriented and even frivolous, generally featuring aliens in unconvincing rubber suits and tough-guy heroes. Kubrick’s film, on the

2001's iconic match cut.
2001’s iconic match cut.
other hand, was slow moving and contemplative. The special effects were meticulously crafted and realistic. Classical music gave the space sequences a sense of elegance. Read more Corman Creates Catastrophe, Kubrick Cringes

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“Gays of Future Past” Promotes X-rated Agenda

Once again, Hollywood is seeking to undermine time-tested family values. First it was The Dark Knight Rises, featuring its new villain, Bane, as a direct attack on the Romney campaign.

Then came Frozen, with its ideals of female independence and incestuous lesbianism. Earlier this year, we had Noah, which, despite claiming to be a Biblical film, promotes vegetarianism and environmentalism as “righteous”.

Once again, the liberals are attacking us through our favorite classic superheroes in the new film, X-Men: Days of Future Past. Read more “Gays of Future Past” Promotes X-rated Agenda

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Santa Barbara Killer’s Motive Baffles Eggheads, Know-It-All Professors

Santa Barbara, CA – As the country tries to make sense of the recent tragedy in California, the nation’s elite are always quick to point out the answers to those of us who aren’t nearly as smart as they are.

Elliott Rodger killed six people last week in southern California before taking his own life. He left behind a book of a manifesto giving a glimpse inside his deranged mind. From this manifesto, many a pundit and professor has come forward with their typical knee-jerk reactions to what caused the crime in the first place. Read more Santa Barbara Killer’s Motive Baffles Eggheads, Know-It-All Professors

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