Month: July 2013
I Judge You By Your Ignorant Font Choice (comic)
More than a decade ago, I saw a stupid sign with a stupid, stupid font. I judged them, pointed it out to my friend, and we shared a laugh… then this week I saw it again. Same stupid 90s font,…
North Korean Soccer Punishment ‘Excessive’
After being knocked out of the World Cup, North Korea took unique approach to improve their teams performance, which has been criticized as a punishment and branded ‘excessive’, spec “ifically by “sports pussies.” When our source in North Korea asked…
Specialty Cats Bred Exclusively to be Creepy (comic)
If you’ve ever dated a girl with a cat, it’s likely you know how creepy and personal they can be all up in your business. If you’ve ever dated a woman with six cats, it’s likely you were doing charity…
Nation’s Horses Demand Right to Marry Owners
LEXINGTON, KY – Following yesterday’s landmark Supreme Court decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, the nation’s horses demanded Thursday the right to marry their owners. Marriage between members of the Equidae family and homosapiens is not currently recognized…
Man Attributes Good Fortune to Constantly Dreading Next Moment
LEXINGTON, KY—Local resident Darren Windley claims to be able to stave off misfortune by living in constant fear of horrible things happening to him in the immediate future. Windley says he discovered this phenomenon years ago after going to the…
Long-Term Unemployed Go Back for Degree, Pointless (comic)
This was originally written with the genders reversed, so don’t hate on me, bro or bro-sis. It’s recycled art, so I switched genders based strictly on where they were standing. The long-term unemployment problem of our youth is seriously problematic….
Woman Watching Sitcom Frustrated Characters Not Doing Things Most Logical, Efficient Way
MILWAUKEE, WI—While watching television Tuesday night, Diane Goodwyn expressed to reporters her frustration regarding characters in the ABC sitcom Tell Me About It doing things that made already bad situations only worse. “No one wants to see that,” said the…
Fukushima Scientists Dismiss Sightings Of Fire-Breathing Iguanadon
A group of scientists at the Fukushima Nuclear Reactor have angrily denied recent sightings of a 700-foot fire-breathing iguanadon, though they refused to do so on-the-record, leading to further speculation that the monster is very much real. Scientists at the…
Netanyahu, Abbas agree to peace talks; listening doubtful
This reporter has gained exclusive access to the agreements between Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that would allow the twenty-year old peace talks between Israel and the Palestinian Authority to resume. The arrangements were…
Even Dogs Can Be Politically Correct (comic)
Political Correctness is pretty annoying at times. Maybe I grew up in a different time, but why can’t I call a Dutchman a clog-stomping windmill-gypsy? And why can’t I call gypsies Greasy Dutchmen? Well dogs learn from us and our…