Month: November 2012
Kentucky Democrat Votes for Right to Complain
Newport, KY – Local liberal Michael Benton walked to the middle school gymnasium, and was greeted with laughter and an occasional jeer. He greeted his Republican friends, gave his ID to the snickering old ladies behind the folding table, and…
US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets
American Voters Take Inspiration From Belgium and Get Rid of Their Government. GlossyNews.com – American voters, sick of months of a rabid and bilious Presidential campaign, today on voting day made a decisive choice of getting rid of their government…
Honey Boo Boo Weeps on Live TV When Obama Loss Announced
GlossyNews.com – Hog Jaw, GA – Not since her child beauty pageant loss in Vicksburg to 6-year-old Playdo model Mae Belle Glutz has reality TV star Honey Boo Boo cried so hard as to drop her fried chicken drumstick. So…
Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out
GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake. Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the…
Empty Chair Posts Strong Showing In Early Voting
GlossyNews.com – This election year has seen a surge in early voting as more and more states allow for this convenient option, while others have restricted the hell out of it. Both the Obama and Romney camps had hoped that…
Maryland Overwhelming Approves Gay Marriage, Mauve
GlossyNews.com – In sharp contrast to the first 32 state amendments barring marriage between two loving adults who happen to share the commonality of penis or vagina, Maryland tonight approved Question 6 allowing marriage equality to become law in the…
Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner
GlossyNews.com – Undecided voter Harold Merman of Niblock, Ohio has finally made his choice for this year’s presidential election. It should come as no surprise; he’s choosing the winner. That’s right; whoever finishes first on November 6th has Mr. Merman’s…
Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney
GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse. The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair…
With Exit Polls Close, Liberals Fearful of Obama Loss Flood Canada
Ottawa, Canada – GlossyNews.com – The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past few hours, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President
GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is. By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential…