Day: November 6, 2012
Corpse Still Warm; Ryan 2016 Campaign Underway
GlossyNews.com – Paul Ryan, never one to let an opportunity to flex for a camera or let an opportunity to advance his career pass him by, has been doing more than campaigning for Romney… he’s been campaigning for himself; for…
Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey
GlossyNews.com – Washington D.C. – Today, insiders and employees at CNN News Headquarters revealed what’s really behind the incessant coverage that will make chronic channel surfers cry this Tuesday. And it’s not about democracy or nipple slips. “Basically, we have…
This Election Day: Don’t Vote, Stay Home and Pray
GlossyNews.comMy fellow Christians, there is only one immutable truth on this election day. It’s that God’s will reigns supreme and there’s nothing we can do to change it. So don’t get in your car and drive. No, get down on…
Pennsylvania Poll Workers Suspiciously Republican
GlossyNews.com – Voters in Chester, Drexel Hill and Springfield were met with a surprising bit of help when they went to the polls this morning; free helpers. While these poll workers were outside of polling places, they were very ready…
Romney Leads Among Schizophrenics
GlossyNews.com – CLEVELAND – A new Gallup poll released today finds that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney continues to trail President Obama in popularity among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, people with cell phones, people aware of the internet, and voters…
Florida Voters Stand Ready to Prevent Romney Zombie Apocalypse
GlossyNews.com – MIAMI – In a state plagued by natural disasters, exploding pythons, and the strangest politics on the planet, Florida voters are bracing for the latest horror — zombie apocalypse! (This is a guest post from Rebecca Wakefield.) Mindless…
Local Man Ready to Get Out There and Make His Terrible Decision Count
GlossyNews.com – INDIANAPOLIS – After months of bitter debating, hard-line rhetoric and a torrent of political attack ads, local man Peter Hackley insists he is ready to get out there and make his terrible and ill-considered decision count Tuesday. Basing…
Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney
GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate. The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions,…
Return of the Bride of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’
GlossyNews.com – Mitch Couler, the Senior manager Of the Romney campaign in the D.C. area had recovered nicely from the seizures induced when he learned that both ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ and Dick Cheney both had come out…
Romney Faceplate Cracks in Front of Iowa Crowd
GlossyNews.com – This morning, as the sun rose on the cornholing state, Mitt Romney stood in front of a gathered crowd of John Deere factory workers, when his robotic faceplate fractured and fell off of his robot face. The crowd…