Month: March 2011
Global Gasoline and Poster Board Prices Rise Sharply
New York, NY, GlossyNews.com– Speculation and tensions are rising on Wall Street as political unrest in the Middle East is not only causing gasoline prices to skyrocket, but poster board prices are at an all-time high as well. Although in…
Wikileaks Founder Charged w/ Molesting Dozens of Political Careers
Washington 0500hrs: Creepy-looking founder of Wikileaks and alleged evil genius, Julian Assange, has officially been charged by prosecutors in Florida with molesting at least 26 political careers over the course of a single week last year. The controversial figurehead and…
Rush Limbaugh Dropped on Head at Birth According to Unauthorized Biography
A writer working on the unauthorized biography of conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has released a very important piece of information that may explain the idiotic statements that Limbaugh often makes on his daily radio show. Recent comments…
Someone Explain To Mr. Kaddafi That He Is Not A Martyr…
…if he mass murders his own people. While THEY, on the other hand, may actually be the martyrs.
BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor
Media release: Monaco, 0800hrs, Energy giant BP, (formerly British Petroleum) has announced an offer of support to the Japanese government overnight, pledging to fully rebuild the nation’s damaged nuclear reactors on undisclosed but “very favorable” terms.
Scott Walker Declares Himself a Wisconsin Hero
Scott Walker defines a hero as “someone who, against all odds, does what is necessary to fight evil in the world.” And so it is that Walker believes that he is doing the right thing by making sure teachers don’t…
“Unstoppable-Radioactive-Tsunami-Earthquake” Reports Initially Dismissed as Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quote
“A Bank of Tokyo official was upbeat, suggesting insurance losses to the disaster would be offset by a reduced amount of traffic accidents in subsequent years”
Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces
Sarah Palin recently went on Fox News and publicly admitted that she could use some help in paying for her kids’ dental expenses. “Do you even know how much a set of braces costs these days?” asked Palin as she…
Japan Quake Silver Lining: Whaling Fleet Decimated
As sure as every crowd has a pilfer lining, every crowd has one of silver. While the quake off the northeast coast of Japan has already racked up a death toll in the thousands, there may still be some good…
Lindsay Lohan Opts to Spend Time at Charlie Sheen’s Rehab Center
Lindsay Lohan appeared before Judge Keith Schwartz in Los Angeles today to find out whether or not she’ll be going to jail on charges of stealing a $2500 necklace or if she’ll be granted a new trial before another judge….