Month: July 2010
American Poodle Club Rushes to Distance Itself from Gore Scandal
PORTLAND, Oregon (GlossyNews) — Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident,…
Shoes to Power Next Generation of Euro- ‘Smart’ Phones
LONDON, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — Ever dream you were Maxwell Smart and had to reach Agent 99 in time to save her from a fate worse than death, only to find your cell phone dead, instead?
Burt Reynolds Announces Moustache Club for Men
America’s iconic symbol of 1970’s sexual excess, who’s had more you know what than a porta-potty seat at Bonnaroo, if you know what I mean, today announced a new joint venture with ‘Magnum PI’ alum Tom Selleck. Clinics will be…
Cell Phone Jammer Hits the Street
SEATTLE, Washington (GlossyNews) — Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called “The Silencer”. This fresh creation shuts down any irritating cell phones in the users vicinity making…
Chinese Government Says Yes to I-Ching, No to iPhone 4
BEIJING, China (GlossyNews) — Although the Chinese government has allowed consumers in Mainland China to own earlier versions of the iPhone, they are now cracking down saying that the iPhone 4 is too advanced and could bring more harm than…
Wannabe, White, Rapper Jives For Job — Still Unemployed
VENICE BEACH, California (GlossyNews) — Nineteen year old Malibu’s Most Wanted clone, Josh Milton, is feeling good vibes after his first real job interview. He successfully answered each question with, what can only be explained as, a convulsive fit of…
Video Surfaces of Missing Glossy News Journalist
SNOHOMISH, Washington (GlossyNewsSA) — It remains uncertain whether legendary correspondent Blake Pennywhistle is alive or dead, but recent developments at least hold reason for hope. A DVD was left taped to the coffee machine at Glossy News NYC headquarters, sometime…
Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’
BALLSTON, Virginia (GlossyNews) — Mired amid controversy of alleged infidelity and sexual misconduct, former Vice President and prominent global warming activist, Al Gore, angrily dismissed these accusations today at a press corps luncheon.
Obama Receives Hockey’s Lady Byng Award
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, New York, NY (GlossyNews) — A puck rang off the iron heads of the NHL’s finest this weekend as Gary Bettman announced Barack Obama recipient of the coveted Lady Byng award. The players, who had waited all…
Bob Dylan Offers Help to a Mixed Up World: World Indifferent
GARY, Indiana, (GlossyNews) — Sixties icon Bob Dylan appeared, in all of his monochromatic splendor, at the National Press Club this week, announcing a new chapter in what’s already been an amazing career. Said the legendary balladeer, whom some consider…