GARY, Indiana, (GlossyNews) — Sixties icon Bob Dylan appeared, in all of his monochromatic splendor, at the National Press Club this week, announcing a new chapter in what’s already been an amazing career. Said the legendary balladeer, whom some consider the American version of Carl Sandburg, “Iben woando sum further you in furlong tom.”
After several repeats, journalists agreed that Mr. Dylan had meant, “I’ve been wanting to do something for the UN for a long time.” To avoid further confusion, Mr. Dylan chose to conduct the remainder of the press conference relying heavily on song lyrics.
In an effort to aid world peace amid growing international tensions, Bob Dylan will soon become a UN interpreter. “The times they are a-changing; a hard rain’s gonna fall. You can see there’s somethin’ happening, but you don’t know what it is. Well, that ain’t me babe.”
The storied ‘Bard of Bleecker Street’ explained he’ll be reporting for orientation upon completion of his current tour schedule and some contractual recording obligations. “I wanna help to see the cannonballs forever banned, so the white dove can sleep in the sand. Well, anywhere except for the Gulf Coast. Be kinda tough on a white dove, getting stuck outside of Mobile right now.”
Responding to questions, Mr. Dylan insisted there’s no rock star naiveté involved in his new career path, he simply wishes to serve a good cause and bring his talents to the table. He acknowledged there will be harsh criticism. “They’ll stone you when you’re at the table, they’ll stone you when they’re good and able.”
Dylan conceded a steep learning curve lies ahead in his quest to be a UN interpreter. To overcome any potential difficulties, he’ll be assisted in the first months by his good friend Ozzy Osbourne.
Reached for comment, Jakob Dylan dismissed any doubts about his famous father’s new ambition. “Pops is really something. What the world knows of him is a fraction of the ability there. Pops, he speaks seven different languages, all at the same time actually.”