Category: Politics
Controversy as Democratic Party Changes Name
In an effort to attract the more diverse crop of voters and political revolutionaries emerging in President Obama’s second term, Democrat leaders announced early Wednesday that their party’s name will be changed to “Socialist-Liberal-Progressive-Democrat-Marxist-Leninist-Maoist Party for Pansexual and Botox Patient…
California Bans Lighters, Matches
In an effort to cut down on arson and cigarette smoking, the California legislature unanimously approved a measure to ban the use, sale and/or distribution of “lighters, matches and other forms of portable incendiary devices”. “Cigarettes and flammable tobacco products…
Scandal: Obama-Hollande Love Affair Leaked
Paris and Washington have become embroiled in scandal after a set of romantic correspondences between presidents Francois Hollande and Barack Obama were leaked to the press. The letters detail a passionate, and at times even steamy fusion of love across…
Last Alliance of Idiots and Morons March for Bloomberg
NEW YORK CITY – Police are out in force after a grand alliance of idiots and morons took to Times Square to march in support of Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his policies. Though the protesters already numbered over 40,000 by…
Wayne LaPierre Ousted as NRA Pres for Being ‘Too Frenchy’
Wayne LaPierre, outspoken mouthpiece of the NRA has been removed from his position of Vice-President due to a large number of powerful members of the organization being opposed to his having ‘too Frenchy’ a name. John Howitzer, Montana rancher and…
Barack Hussein Obama: Worst “American” Ever?
Sure, there is still healthy debate as to whether or not Barry “the rock” Barack Hussein Osama-Obama is really an American. History will surely judge that. But a bigger question is; is he the worst human being to ever step…
Conservative: It’s What Smart Gays, Blacks and Young Are Voting
Liberal Bastion Americans For Prosperity has a new study out, and it proves what real Americans have known for some time; smart people from all walks of life plan to vote conservative. “[Conservative] is just where it’s at,” said gay,…
Monica Lewinsky’s Dress to be Sold at Auction
After being rejected by the Smithsonian, Monica Lewinsky announced today that she will be selling her famous, blue, semen-stained dress at auction. Southeby’s, Inc., which will be handling the sale, predicts the historic dress should fetch up to $10 million…
Bad Boy Bloomberg Banning Big Breasts
In his latest and most swift move to play strict-stepfather-who-hates-loud-rock-music to New Yorkers, Mayor Bloomberg has opted for a new ban on cup size. This time, however, instead of going after the large Coca-Cola in your cup, he’s going after…
Senator Graham Goes For The Low Hanging Fruit
South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham today championed his desire to restrict the ability to own fire arms to those who are no longer capable of knowing right from wrong. The senator laid out his thoughts in what many believed…