Categorized | Politics

Conservative: It’s What Smart Gays, Blacks and Young Are Voting

Conservative: It’s What <i>Smart</i> Gays, Blacks and Young Are Voting

Liberal Bastion Americans For Prosperity has a new study out, and it proves what real Americans have known for some time; smart people from all walks of life plan to vote conservative.

“[Conservative] is just where it’s at,” said gay, African-American atheist William Grean. “Their values and priorities just align better with what we believe in.”

Liberal Jewish anarchist Haim Yaites told Glossy News that, “We gave them a fair shot, but really, for what we believe in, the [conservatives] are a better fit.”

This study was conducted over a three month period in which people from all walks of life — gay, black, homosexual, transexual, agnostic, Unitarian and normal people — were surveyed.

We caught up with an average woman on the street on Park Avenue in Manhattan. She explained that, “of course I vote conservative. It’s the only way to vote for [regular, ordinary, common] people like me.”

But what about all the social issues?

Manwich* Gregg Hosheit explained that, “Really everybody should just vote for the [conservative] party. If you don’t, you’re either not paying attention or you just want your life to be miserable.

The conservative movement, well aware of their shortfalls in the past decade of elections, has heard the rallying cry, and made serious changes. Not to their message, which is solid, but to their messaging, which just makes sense.

Record numbers of deviants are expected to donate, volunteer and vote for conservative candidates in the 2014 midterm elections, and if you’re one of those people, you should engage and get involved right now. It’s what smart people are doing, and you’re smart, right?

* CORRECTION: We’ve since learned that Hosheit is not a “Manwich”, but rather a “Warlock”. The reporter heard “man witch” and misunderstood. Our apologies for the confusion.

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This post was written by

- who has written 118 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

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3 Responses to “Conservative: It’s What Smart Gays, Blacks and Young Are Voting”

  1. Nope says:

    The article is fake. None of those people exist. Never.

  2. Tena Ginger says:

    Yeah right, imagine that!!!!! The article said it right that they didn’t change their message just how they say it. That doesn’t make them right and it surely doesn’t make them appealing.

  3. Stylesheet Polpot says:

    Am I the first one to notice how Conservative always appears in brackets? They could have said anything there. They could have said Liberals or Socialists, but it was changed to Conservatives. Clearly not what the interviewees intended.

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