Category: War Zone
Tweetle Beetle Tactics To Be Used By The Military
In 1965, Dr. Theodore “Seuss” Geisel published his war study, “Fox in Socks.” The final 20% of the book discusses tactics and strategy employed by Tweetle Beetles in battle conditions. One sentence reads: “When beetles fight their battles in a…
TSA Screeners Get X-Ray Vision Glasses ($1.98 Each) Plus 2 Wheaties Box Tops
Boston, MA – GlossyNews – The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against terrorism. All agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade and proceeds from a grant from DC…
Suicide Bomber Surprise – Few of 72 Virgins Young or Women
TEHRAN, Iran – Future suicide bombers around the globe woke up with a jolt today, when they realized they faced a surprising religious announcement from a leading Iranian cleric. No, it wasn’t the sound of their vests exploding, but it…
Rwandan General Killed Millions, Accepted Christ, Welcomed to Heaven
Due to what some non-theists like to call a “gaping hole in theism”, General Mbutu Ngariao, perhaps best known as the Rape General, third in command during the Rwandan genocide, has been able to eleventh-hour-apologize and slip his way into…
Lost WWII Japanese Battalion Found Still Huddled in Trenches
Manila, Philippines – Back pay mathematics is going to be a real tough chore for the Japanese Army to estimate in the next few months. Especially for the 134 men who’ve been on continuous combat duty in the mountains of…
Ex-nazi on Trial Regrets He Didn’t Do Enough
Former Ukranian concentration camp guard John Demjanjuk’s trial began today for the murders committed when he served as a Nazi camp guard in German occupied Russia. Earning the title ‘Ivan the Terrible’ for his frequent use of torture, indiscriminate terror…
Entire US Psy-Ops In Iraq Must Undergo Psych Eval
Norfolk, VA – Glossy News – The entire Psy-ops division of the U.S. Army that has been on duty in Iraq since the wars beginning has been ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation. Disturbing results have come about as a result…
Michael Steele calls Obama ‘Whitey’
PULASKI, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — Insiders predict RNC Chairman Michael Steele will soon decide to ‘spend more time with my family’ in the wake of his recent faux pas. It appears Steele has violated the most revered tenet of the DC…
Ugandan Child Soldiers Call “No tags-back” After Attack
A Commander of the Lord’s Resistance Army Youth Corps expects a long period of calm due to “no tag-backs” announcement made after an attack on a convoy.
New Video from Al Qaeda Claims Idiot Bomber Not Theirs
Somewhere in Cave – A new video has been released by Al Jazeera that they claim has come directly from Osama bin Ladin in which bin Ladin emphatically states that in no way was the recent attempted NY bombing the…