Tag Archive | "racism"

Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)


The turbo-patriots like to cling to some notion of America than never was, like saying we’re a Christian nation (we aren’t,) or that English should be our national language (it shouldn’t.)

If you really want to lavish your founders with undue and absurd praise, I’ll take it back a tad further. The Western world was discovered by none other than the small-earct navigator Christopher Columbus, to his tremendous luck.

Had math been as right as it was, which is was, he’d have starved to death in the Atlantic… but no, turns out there’s land there. Read the full story

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Posted in Comics, PoliticsComments (3)

You Are Seriously Racist (comic)


Sometimes, as a white person, you just want to speak your peace. You don’t feel your being racist, and maybe you’re right, though it’s statistically unlikely.

Just open your mind and speak your peace and let the cards fall where they may… yep, you’re a racist.

I don’t know how the dark guy got his head distorted, but nobody jumped up to stop me. Calling me a racist for having accidentally crafted him in such a way is de-facto reverse racism… How dare you! Read the full story

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Black Rescuer Lucky He Didn’t Get His Ass Thrown In Jail During Rescue


It fortunately went so miraculously well.

A girl held hostage for ten years breaks free of her bonds and manages to get to the door of her captors house.
She yells through the mail slot that she needs help and identifies herself.

A black neighbor hears her cries and helps her break out of the door. With his aid she escapes with her daughter from the house of the man who abused her. She tells him that there are two other women inside also held prisoner. Read the full story

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I’m Not Racist or Anything, BUT (comic)


We’ve all heard that phrase a good few dozen times. Some of us have even said it a time or two. But what does it mean? How do those potentially demeaned in our subsequent statements feel?

America is far from post-racial. The election of Obama has only polarized racial tensions even further. Our president receives far more death threats than any president before him… but why? His policies aren’t radical, or even that much different than his predecessor… so what could it possibly be about? Read the full story

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CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement


Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated.

Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed to the harsh realities of modern culture. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program


An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars.

The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the Gaza Strip at 11:50 PM EET on February 20, 2013. Once in orbit, it will jettison a tiny capsule dubbed “Exodus I,” beginning a two-year journey to the Red Planet for the 100 Palestinians packed tightly inside. Then a larger capsule will return the three Israeli astronauts back to the safety of Earth. Read the full story

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Posted in Technology, World NewsComments (2)

Mitch McConnell’s Public Jobs Program Puts on Happy Face


In a stunning about face on public sector financed job programs, the minority leader of the senate, Republican Mitch McConnell, offered a new program that he believes can be started following the eviction of the Obama family in January 2013.

The program is designed to put more private sector contractors to work within the Washington, DC area and to also help local small retailers prosper. Because he will list this program as an “emergency measure”, equal opportunity rules can also be suspended allowing RNC donors their first chance at a federal project. Read the full story

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Study Says a Dark Day in America – Blacks Are Getting Happier


BLACKSBURG, VA – A newly released study reveals potentially upsetting news for millions of white Americans. According to the longitudinal study, the conclusions are shocking: Black Americans are getting happier – much happier.

The study by the University of Pennsylvania, tracking the “happiness gap” between black and white Americans since the 1970s, reports that the gap has dramatically narrowed in recent years to the narrowest margin since the study’s beginnings. Fortunately for white Americans, they are, on average, still happier than their black counterparts – but not by much anymore. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (3)

Sweden says Don’t say Boy


Sweden’s Director of Pre-school Schools announced this week a revolutionary new program for Americans to laugh at. Dr. Sven Frrrdegard spoke to reporters at Stockholm’s Ministry for Education.

“As the world’s only industrialized nation not headed for bankruptcy, we Swedes are keenly aware of our leadership responsibilities. We will not shirk our duty when it falls upon us to address humanity’s most pressing problem; gender stereotyping.” Read the full story

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Debate: GOPTea Tries to Pull 2012 from Thick and Thin Hair (3 of 7)


DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy Recently, seven of the leading extremists of the Tea Party Republicans debated in New Hampshire.

Two hours is a long time to have to sit and watch, even with 3 beer breaks. So here’s a shorter distillation of what each person said relative to questions that were asked, even Tweeted, by a number of mostly anonymous people, John King included. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (7)

Forget Green, “Blue” Group Mounts Tea Party Challenge


CINCINNATI, Ohio (Glossy News) — Flush with recent success, the loosely organized AstroTurf Tea Party movement already faces a threat to its new-found power from an unexpected source. While some political analysts call the group a predictable splintering, others term it an insurgency from within. One thing is certain — the “We’re Blue 2” Party is well organized and highly focused in its agenda. Read the full story

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Non-Racist Tea Party Holds Rally on Mexico-Arizona Border


NOGALES, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The Tea Party, which claims it is less racist than a blind beggar, held a rally on the Mexico-Arizona border today to demand the US Government, which they claim spends too much money, spend millions more dollars to patrol the border and keep out illegal immigrants.

The rally was held at a private ranch near a gigantic wall the US Government already built to keep out Mexicans. Apparently the wall is not enough, because the Tea Partiers taped American flags all over it to really scare the bejesus out of anybody with brown skin getting near it. In another flourish of non-racism, the Tea Partiers taped hand-written messages to the TWENTY FOOT TALL WALL ALREADY BUILT TO KEEP OUT MEXICANS with ideas on how to stop immigration. Some of the messages were poignant, such as “the mesicns r returded” while others were to the point, such as “nuke Mexico.“ Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, SocietyComments (0)

Mexico and US Pillowtalk


Why the USA will probably never legalize drugs. (Drug Consumer played by USA; Drug Lord played by Mexico)

USA: I want to stop! Go Away!

MEXICO: No you don’t! You love it! Let me in!

USA: OK, but just for a minute. You are so bad!

MEXICO: No, you are so bad! Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (0)

Mel Gibson Tortures Wife During Racist Rant while World Looks Away


TEXARKANA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Melvin, or Mel, Gibson, a 75-year-old redneck from Rockdale, Texas, stood on the corner of Cameron Ave and Main this morning. He was dressed in the requisite T-shirt and stained khaki work pants and holding a battered and half nude 72-year-old Dorinda, his wife of 50 years, by the hair while he screamed racist comments at the top of his lungs.

As a Sheriff’s Deputy drove by, slowing down for a group of vultures eating a dead something-or-other in the middle of the road, Mel hollered that a pack of wild niggers was going to attack Dorinda for wearing a pink bra. Then he screamed and yelled about how the Jews were taking over the world, followed by something or other about Mexicans, loose women, the Gov’ment then Homos. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, Strange PeopleComments (2)

White Liberal Falls to Racism


Anytown, USA (GlossyNews) — Kirk Hassenbaum was always a shining example of bleeding heart liberalism. He went to a Liberal Arts college, traveled Europe with the backpack and Birkenstocks crowd, read poetry in coffee houses in San Francisco, rode a Greenpeace boat to a whale slaughter and even had a gay best friend for a while. But after he got a job working for a major corporation and invested in a sweet house in the trendiest part of the city, his bleeding heart started to heal, Read the full story

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Misanthrope Mistaken for Misogynist


CHICAGO, IL (GlossyNews) — It’s a mistake we all make every now and then –the vicious berating of a female co-worker, the  insensitive demeaning of your child’s fourth-grade teacher, or the vile expletives directed at a random woman in a Safeway parking lot– all might very well be taken personally.

For David Whittle, this unfortunate misunderstanding almost got him into hot water at work. 

Having upset three female co-workers by scoffing at their contributions in Tuesday’s budget meeting, Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (0)

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