Tag Archive | "Middle East"

Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury


Last night another innocent, peaceful person died in an “unknown” land.

When the body of this person was pulled from the rubble in an unknown city in a certain Middle Eastern country, this message, along with a photo, was found in his breast pocket. By some miracle, the text was still intact.

The woman in the picture looked like an Irish woman, and the humorous, teasing shamrocks on the underside of the photo would appear to confirm this. Read the full story

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Posted in Music, War ZoneComments (0)

ISIS: The Autistic Brother of Al-Qaeda


ISIS: The world’s number one autistic brainchild, the same one which refused to continue living with his older brother, Al-Qaeda, is now in some deep trouble with the United States and Russia.

After beheading a journalist in the lands of SandVillage, their only option for attention was death. Geez, talk about needy.

To make things worse, the group continued with a follow-up decapitation video personally sent to Prince Barack Obama of Nigeria. A representative of the White House spoke with the press regarding this issue stating: Read the full story

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Posted in War Zone, World NewsComments (0)

Homeland Security Warns of “Out-For-Blood” Radical Group Calling Itself “Red Cross”


WASHINGTON — The Department of Homeland Security released a statement yesterday afternoon warning U.S. citizens of recent efforts by a group of homegrown radicals whom officials say are “out-for-blood.” Reports indicate the organization is calling itself Red Cross.

According to sources, the group’s signature act of torture involves draining the blood from humanitarians unfortunate enough to find themselves on a Red Cross “tablé” (pronounced taw-blay or tay-bul), which is a device not unlike the infamous “rack” used in the Spanish Inquisition. Read the full story

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Shock Saudi Royal Wedding ‘She’s Definitely In My Top 5’ Says Prince


Crown Prince Abdul Rahman Al-Saud of Saudi Arabia whose family have not only ruled the desert kingdom for over 80 years but also give the country the first part of its name, is to marry an American Jewish pork butcher he met online at dating site e-harmony. Read the full story

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Posted in World NewsComments (0)

Sick Of Fighting In Mideast, World Builds Wall Around Israel And Palestine.


A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have built a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, after attempting for years to introduce peace initiatives to both lands, finally reached the end of their patience and are no longer willing to put up with the bull headed, self centered attitudes of the leaders and people of both sides. Read the full story

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Posted in World NewsComments (3)

Republicans Vote to Repeal Libya


Washington D.C. – Republican lawmakers today voted to repeal the country of Libya from the world for “causing too much trouble.”

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor held up a map, pointed to what he thought was Libya and proposed legislation to repeal the nation.

Democratic members of the House quickly explained to Cantor that he was actually pointing to the North Pole and that the map was actually a Macy’s Christmas catalog from 1998. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Mubarak ‘Mummy Movie’ Planned for 2013


Famed Egyptian director, Khairy Beshara, has announced his plan to film a number of features about an undead Hosni Mubarak who wreaks havoc on his countrymen.  The first in the horror series will be Curse of Mubarak The Mummy: A New Arab Awakening.

“I got the idea while I was staring into Mubarak’s cage: What will happen if he dies during his trial? There will be no justice,” says Beshara, who promises justice will be served in full force in the movies. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky PicturesComments (4)

Gaddafi Ceasefire Gesture: “My Guerillas Have Put Down Their Arms”


Tripoli Zoo, Tuesday: In a secret satellite conference last Tuesday, Libyan dictator Muhammar Gaddafi reportedly told NATO he had disarmed all of his Guerrillas and he “no longer wanted bloodlessness.”

“No word of a lie. What I say is true. I have taken away my gorillas arms and I want similarly unarmed peacekeepers to enter the Libyan capital of Tripoli as soon as humanly possible,” said Gaddafi, whose stronghold has until now remained impenetrable. Read the full story

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Global Gasoline and Poster Board Prices Rise Sharply


New York, NY, GlossyNews.com– Speculation and tensions are rising on Wall Street as political unrest in the Middle East is not only causing gasoline prices to skyrocket, but poster board prices are at an all-time high as well. Although in Libya, concentration has shifted from protests to civil war, elsewhere in the Middle East, protests still rage on. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, World NewsComments (1)

Cairo Chaos Bad for Business


Egypt has long been considered the least interesting of Middle East nations. Although respected as the originator of massively silly public works projects, its modern political system has been as constant as the Sphinx. All that changed this week as thousands took to the streets in a defiant bid for something more relevant than ‘everybody gets to vote but not everybody gets to run for office.’ Read the full story

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Posted in Biz NewsComments (2)

Country Kills Thousands to Steal Oil then Chokes on its Own


Norfolk, VA (GlossyNews) — FUTURE NEWS – Legend has it that a country called the United States, once described as a modern day Atlantis, was just wrapping up an horrific incident where it killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people to steal their oil, when it choked to death on its own oil reserves that spewed uncontrollably from the ground.

In 2003, an aggressive War Lord with the mentality of a spoiled out of control alcoholic, who had little intelligence or sense of history, robbed the enormous coffers of the wealthiest country on Earth. He then used the spoils to overcompensate for his failure to find oil in his youth and appease his wealthy father. The War Lord paid honest young men, with other people’s money, to go to a foreign country thousands of miles away and burn women, children and even dogs and chickens to death with terrible chemicals and mutilating bombs. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (1)

World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo


FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.”

Back in 2016, Afnan was found clinging to a crushed olive tree on land she claimed belonged to her grandfather. She was eventually brought to the zoo by an humanitarian group investigating war crimes against Israel during a recent dust-up between the two parties, that killed every wild Palestinian in the Gaza strip and West Bank and left scores of Israelis with minor injuries. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

Thank You Very Much, See You in Hell


The phrase “Thank you very much, see you in hell,” is becoming as popular as “Thank you, come again” at some Middle Eastern-run convenience stores across America. TYVMSYH signs are being displayed above the licenses of most of the stores, but have, so far, gone unnoticed by customers.

One such store owner, Abu Badiuz Zaman, says that it is just an inside joke and nothing to get upset over. “Have you ever worked with the public?” he asked. “Day in and day out we get every kind of complain [sic] you cannot imagine from ‘you make us the worst coffee on the world’ to ‘why the hell can’t you give with me the Hostess Ding-Dongs instead of those cheapest knock-offs by Little Debbie?’ The TYVMSYH sign is one way we can cope for American rudeness,” he added.

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