Tag Archive | "love"

The End of the End of Love, is the Beginning of Love


Having bad experiences with love (or at least towards the end of love) can lead to a certain ‘defensive’ tendency. Whether your love ended through your own shortcomings, or through the failings of another, there is no need to put up this ‘wall.’

The point is not to be for or against it. Read the full story

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Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury


Last night another innocent, peaceful person died in an “unknown” land.

When the body of this person was pulled from the rubble in an unknown city in a certain Middle Eastern country, this message, along with a photo, was found in his breast pocket. By some miracle, the text was still intact.

The woman in the picture looked like an Irish woman, and the humorous, teasing shamrocks on the underside of the photo would appear to confirm this. Read the full story

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Posted in Music, War ZoneComments (0)

How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day


So you want to break up on Valentine’s Day?

There isn’t any other day of the year more romantic to break up on than Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, after all, celebrates St. Valentine, a priest who secretly married lovers in Rome during the reign of the ruthless emperor named Claudius II, who had outlawed marriage in order to better recruit soldiers for his army. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, SocietyComments (0)

Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)


We all know what love is, it’s falling unconditionally in love with another person so that they can do no wrong… until, of course, they actually do wrong, then to hell with them! Amirite?

The conditions on your love may be simple or complex, plain or convoluted, but one truth remains, it’s impossibly bullshitty.

Him going to game night with his buddies, like has since forever, is actually normal. Her buying makeup you don’t think she needs is just part of her ritual. Read the full story

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Posted in ComicsComments (1)

Man Falls in “Like”, Girlfriend Unamused (comic)


You ever met a girl you thought was really awesome? Like awesome enough you might even love, but you were afraid to say it? Well not saying it can hold risks as big as that of over-sharing your feelings.

Maybe you guys have hung out a bunch, maybe you’ve just met, maybe you haven’t even met yet, but have made passionate love in dangerous and regrettable ways for days. No matter the case, this comic is for you. Read the full story

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Piece of Folded Card Irreversibly Strengthens Bond Between Wife, Husband


INDIANAPOLIS – Sources reported Thursday that a single piece of folded card – the same paper stock used to package cereal and Lean Cuisine frozen meals -irreversibly strengthened the loving bond between local woman Nancy Hargis and her husband Matthew.

The couple, who had only previously displayed mutual feelings of love through the exchange of wedding vows and through various forms of physical interaction, reportedly became united in eternal solidarity this morning when 32-year-old Mr Hargis surprised his wife with the 6.5-by-5-inch rectangular greeting. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (2)

Tip #17: When Planning a Romantic Get-Away, Consider Inviting Your Wife


[Glossy News contributor, Tim Jones, provides a periodic column for Glossy News called The Love Doctor, where he shares his insights on matters of the heart.]

For years people the world over have sought my advice as a foremost authority on matters of the heart. Perhaps it’s because I’m half-German. Or maybe because I got an A- in French in high school – the language of love. I don’t actually have any formalized training in this arena. And I still don’t quite understand position #27 of the Kama Sutra. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, SocietyComments (1)

Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare


BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself.

The Christian leader landed in Biloxi, Mississippi at approximately 3:16 p.m. local time. Area residents first met Jesus with shotguns because they initially mistook him for a “hippie liberal immigrant” that was going to “rob them or talk about Obama.”

Think you know the Bible? Take the GlossyNews Unbeatable Bible Quiz!

Jesus quickly performed several miracles in order to prove his identity including curing an area woman’s cancer and giving eyesight to a blind preacher. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

iPhone 5 Replaces All of Your Personal Relationships


SAN FRANCISCO- In a groundbreaking statement issued to press, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that the new iPhone will “replace all of your loved ones and cherished relationships.”

The phone and features were announced earlier this week, already prompting some to begin distancing themselves with their loved ones in preparation for the release of the phone later on in September. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (3)

Seattle Man Finds Dream Woman On Dating Website


SEATTLE, Wash. (Glossy News) — A wealthy Seattle man, Benjamin Dover, recently decided it was time to remarry. Having divorced his wife of five years after a rather steamy sex scandal that rocked downtown Seattle, Dover sought to put the mistakes of his past aside and find companionship with a quality woman. So, as many lovelorn men today, he invested his time and money in a cyber dating service.

According to Dover, the interview process progressed fairly well, allowing him to narrow his choices to three women he had been courting online for the past several months. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (0)

White Liberal Falls to Racism


Anytown, USA (GlossyNews) — Kirk Hassenbaum was always a shining example of bleeding heart liberalism. He went to a Liberal Arts college, traveled Europe with the backpack and Birkenstocks crowd, read poetry in coffee houses in San Francisco, rode a Greenpeace boat to a whale slaughter and even had a gay best friend for a while. But after he got a job working for a major corporation and invested in a sweet house in the trendiest part of the city, his bleeding heart started to heal, Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (0)

Egypt to Ban Lab-Fabricated Hymens


A leading Egyptian Islamic scholar has demanded (based on his own barbaric vigilante authority) that people caught importing a female virginity-faking device into the basket case country should be arrested by the Mutaween religious police, summarily tried under Sharia law and face the death penalty if convicted. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (4)

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