Tag Archive | "cocaine"

Florida Woman Assaults Twin Over Boyfriend, Vibrator [Video News]


Heidi Creamer, yes, her real name, assaulted her buxom blonde twin sister Holly Creamer, also her real name, over a vibrator.

You think I’m joking, but this isn’t satire, it’s Florida. It’s God’s idea of satire.

Scroll down to watch this, our first ever “Daily News Update,” in which I try to make sense of the day’s headlines for your embetterment and embiggening, and cromulently so. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange People, Video NewsComments (11)

Scandal: Many Republicans Found To Be Hooked On Koch


A shocking report has reached news desks throughout the country that many Republicans, especially those in great positions of responsibility, are hooked on Koch.

Koch, which first made it appearance in the 40’s, has become more virulent in recent years. It is highly addictive and those who become hooked on it quickly develop selfish, anti-social behavior.

Unlike heroin, meth or crack the user does not develop the degenerative physical attributes that readily mark the abuser as a junkie. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, PoliticsComments (1)

Gosh, This Cocaine Sure Smells Amazing (comic)


Know how some things just smell fantastic? Roses, fresh tennis balls, your own farts? It’s all the same, but for this guy, he just really loves the smell of cocaine, and as he huffs it up gram-by-gram, he continues to learn a new appreciation for it.

If you don’t know what cocaine smells like, you should cut yourself off a line, harf it up, and tell me it’s not the sweetest burn of back-of-head-burning-aspirin you’ve ever had the pleasure of… let’s crank up some music! Read the full story

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Body of Hugo Chavez to See Out Fourth Presidential Term


CARACAS – Aides of the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez have confirmed that the 58-year-old’s body will still honor the fourth term it was elected to serve back in October.

Mr. Chavez, who had ruled over the Venezuelan people since 1999, succumbed to a long battle with cancer Tuesday, prompting fears of widespread chaos in the capital of Caracas. Read the full story

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Charlie Sheen Ring Tone Downloaded 3-Million Times


LOS ANGELES, CALIF – Charlie Sheen paraphernalia has exploded onto the American public since the actor’s Two and a Half Men firing and interview antics, featuring such memorable quotes as “I have tiger’s blood,” and “I’m an F-18, bro!”

Now online merchandisers are offering Charlie Sheen bumper stickers, t-shirts, book bags, and keychains. Reportedly, an artificial insemination service now features “Adonis semen,” while a Russion wife-finding service has started offering “goddess pairs” at a 10% discount. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (0)

China is Eating Our Lunch – And It’s Dim-Sum, Dim Bulb


The relief guard approached the other guard as he was on his watch. As usual Cecil’s mind was fixed on some inner scene; his eyes half closed and blank, his face dumb and peaceful like a cow in a field of abundant clover. It struck a chord of anger in Myron to see him this way and there arose in him the desire to smash him in the chest with the butt of his gun. Read the full story

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FBI says Weather Forcaster is Passing Drug Code


CHICAGO —BobZaguy A local Chicago weather forecaster was arrested by the FBI Drug Unit during WFMT’s Friday 10:00 AM local news broadcast. The charge was transmitting drug messages over the public air waves, a federal crime punishable by 5 to 10 years in prison.

WFMT, an FM station, is the classical music station for the city. The news and advertising policy for the station has long been that the on-air person reads everything. This is not a “jingles and jokes” type of broadcast operation. They are serious here. Read the full story

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