7th Grade Essay Contest Winner Informed He Should Start Making Better Choices In The Future
Cedar Falls, Iowa. After writing a purely outstanding essay creatively describing what he would do if he ever found a time machine, 13-year-old Kyle Lane was warned by teachers, administrators, and his parents that his natural love for writing will…
Local Resident Finally Calls End To Exhausting And Time-Consuming “Self-Improvement” Journey And Happily Accepts Being The Mediocre Piece-of-Shit He Was Always Meant To Be
Janesville, Wisconsin. After enduring a long, arduous, and heavily exhausting “self-improvement” journey that involved reading books, trying to learn new things, and awkwardly experimenting with hobbies that left him feeling highly fatigued and ultimately unfulfilled, Craig Gerald, 37, happily confessed…
Extremely Intelligent High School Principal Calmly Assures Locals That American Education System Is Not Centrally Focused On Sports
La Crosse, Wisconsin. In response to growing concerns from local community members that the United States Education System may actually be more focused on sports rather than the intellectual growth and development of young students preparing for university life, Loran…
The Silliest Casino Scenes Ever to Make it Into the Movies
Many movies set scenes inside casinos to indicate a degree of wealth and opulence among the characters, with a supporting cast of glamorously-dressed gamblers adding to the air of decadence. From James Bond’s high-stakes exploits to the slick planning and…
Why You Should Consider a Moissanite Engagement Ring
Are you looking for something unique to propose to your significant other? If yes, then consider a moissanite ring. This type of engagement ring has become very popular lately because it is the perfect combination of beauty and affordability. Moissanite…
Alumni Association Prepares To Celebrate 100 Years Of Shameless Donation Seeking This Spring
Central Iowa. The Clarkview University Alumni Association (CUAA) announced last Thursday that it plans to celebrate its 100th Anniversary this spring while hosting numerous exciting reunion festivities. Graduates and their families are cordially invited to return in April to visit…
Welcome to Texafornia, A Modern Day Fable
Dr Seuss just might tell the modern-day fable of the great California angel-winged socialist migration to the land of the Great Satan, Texas, this way:Virtuous socialist rich folks, the Richies, who voted for the Wokie heehaws in magical California could…
Ringo Star Sues the Beatles
New York, NY – Ringo Starr, best known as the Beatles drummer, is suing his former bandmates. The suit names as defendants, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono, and the estate of the late John Lennon. Starr alleges breach of contract and…
U.S. Quits Climate, Forges New Environmental Alliance
The United States in a surprise announcement today indicated that it was quitting climate altogether, relinquishing the current model in favor of a new environmental alliance. “Climate! It’s one crisis after another. If it’s not floods and earthquakes, it’s wildfires,…
Nation’s Readers Devastated By Early Retirement Of ‘Long-Time Favorite’ Technical Writer
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Any wise individual will humbly acknowledge that the best and most inspirational stories, unfortunately, have endings, and disheartening as it may be, even the world’s greatest authors inevitably write their final words. Nothing, however, could have prepared avid…