Miley Cyrus Racing to Ditch Hannah Montana Franchise Pre-Scandal
All over the world, teens and tweens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show. According to…
Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News
A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then been transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their listeners….
Al Gore Claims Credit for Inventing the Toilet Cam
BOSTON, Mass. – Former vice president Al Gore will tell the American Library Association’s (ALA) midwinter meeting here this weekend that he invented the toilet cam. In a draft copy of the vice president’s address that was leaked to Glossy…
Ask Hank: There’s Something Mighty Fishy About this SPAM
Dear Hank; With regards to the following e-mail I recently received (which has been shortened for the sake of brevity): From: SENATE COMMITTEE Sent: Wed, January 6, 2010 2:58:30 PM Subject: Approved Immediate ATM Swift Payment Office of the Senate…
NBA Hard Pressed To Find Player To Hawk New Condom Line
The National Basketball Association has just introduced its latest merchandising scam, …er…, product line – assorted condoms denoting all the professional American basketball teams. Each condom is colored with a team logo. “With these babies you can really tell if…
Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows
Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while…
Hoekstra Sets Preemptive 2010 Yemeni Strike
Lansing, MI – Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) publicly stated his plans for the Michigan National Guard if he wins election as Governor in 2010: “I’ll lead a preemptive strike to Yemen. I’ve been leading on national security for the last…
U. Alabama Alums Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma
A Petition has been circulating among Alumni of the University of Alabama to change the popular ‘Bama nickname to ‘Bamma due to conflicts that are arising from having a President named Obama. The reason for this requested change, as set…
Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs
God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots…
SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh
CAMDEN, N.J. – Donald Goerke, the man who put the “Oh” in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three. Mr. Goerke joined the Campbell organization in 1955…