Republicans Demand Recount of Presidential Election Citing Illegal Zombie Voters
A U.S. Presidential election recount has been demanded by Republicans because it has been discovered that illegal zombies have been allowed to vote. Apparently in their over-exuberance to get people out to vote Democratic campaigners accidentally (or, perhaps intentionally as…
Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner
SEATTLE — 49-Year-Old Dog “Mr. Truffles,” who clearly saw his owner, Linda Geohring, place his tennis ball behind her back, patiently broke down the concept of object permanence for the dumbfounded 46-year-old, sources reported. “So, you understand, although I am…
Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)
Ever had that opposite-gender friend you were “just friends” with, and wanted to take it to another level? Well there is another level, but sadly, you’re probably not in the same place. Once you each spill the beans, there’s little…
Kim Jong-Il ‘Completes Death Star’
According to North Korean propaganda, Kim Jong-Il has achieved every Star Wars fan boys wet dream and finished his “Death Star” and claims it is ‘now fully operational’. Our source in North Korea report that ‘Talks of an attack have…
Historic compromise – Snowden and Obama both to stand trial
This reporter has learned from confidential sources that have top security clearance and a ticket to Hong Kong that there will be a major compromise in the Snowden case. Mr. Snowden, who has been indicted for espionage, theft and conversion…
Dog Likes Cat, Promptly Shamed (comic)
I once had a cat. I was too little to remember it. I had siblings though, and we fought like cats and/or dogs and/or cats & dogs. Normally it was fine, but sometimes it was… well let’s just say it…
Study: Temperature of Swimming Pool Not So Bad Once You Get Out
INDIANAPOLIS – A new study from Indiana University has advised casual swimmers that, though it feels really freaking cold when you first wiggle your foot through the water, the pool is actually not so bad once you get out. Insisting…
Scientific Study Proves Cats Have No Sense of Humor (comic)
Sometimes you make a joke and it’s almost like your dog is right there with you. He doesn’t know what you said, but he’s in the moment. He gets it… the same can be said of cats precisely zero times…
To Avoid Political Scandal, Devoted Wife Teresa Heinz Kerry Becomes Ill
Just as the media started to descend on Secretary of State John Kerry for vacationing aboard his yacht while Egypt crumbled, his wife had some sort of mysterious seizure taking the spotlight off him. “My wife is so wonderful she…
Interstate Crash Kills 4 People’s Hopes of Getting to Work on Time
FISHERS – A crash on I-69 this morning is believed to have killed as many as four people’s chances of getting to work before their scheduled start time. A 26-year-old woman’s hopes of remaining punctual were killed instantly when her…