Nation’s Horses Demand Right to Marry Owners
LEXINGTON, KY – Following yesterday’s landmark Supreme Court decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, the nation’s horses demanded Thursday the right to marry their owners. Marriage between members of the Equidae family and homosapiens is not currently recognized…
Man Attributes Good Fortune to Constantly Dreading Next Moment
LEXINGTON, KY—Local resident Darren Windley claims to be able to stave off misfortune by living in constant fear of horrible things happening to him in the immediate future. Windley says he discovered this phenomenon years ago after going to the…
Long-Term Unemployed Go Back for Degree, Pointless (comic)
This was originally written with the genders reversed, so don’t hate on me, bro or bro-sis. It’s recycled art, so I switched genders based strictly on where they were standing. The long-term unemployment problem of our youth is seriously problematic….
Woman Watching Sitcom Frustrated Characters Not Doing Things Most Logical, Efficient Way
MILWAUKEE, WI—While watching television Tuesday night, Diane Goodwyn expressed to reporters her frustration regarding characters in the ABC sitcom Tell Me About It doing things that made already bad situations only worse. “No one wants to see that,” said the…
Fukushima Scientists Dismiss Sightings Of Fire-Breathing Iguanadon
A group of scientists at the Fukushima Nuclear Reactor have angrily denied recent sightings of a 700-foot fire-breathing iguanadon, though they refused to do so on-the-record, leading to further speculation that the monster is very much real. Scientists at the…
Netanyahu, Abbas agree to peace talks; listening doubtful
This reporter has gained exclusive access to the agreements between Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that would allow the twenty-year old peace talks between Israel and the Palestinian Authority to resume. The arrangements were…
Even Dogs Can Be Politically Correct (comic)
Political Correctness is pretty annoying at times. Maybe I grew up in a different time, but why can’t I call a Dutchman a clog-stomping windmill-gypsy? And why can’t I call gypsies Greasy Dutchmen? Well dogs learn from us and our…
A-Hole from School Wants to Know If You’d Like Extra Lettuce w/ That
Documents sharing is possible for bluetooth enabled Samsung Mobile Phone users. INDIANAPOLIS – Despite spending most of his teen years being an insufferable prick to you and your friends, an asshole you went to school with would now be interested…
Libertarian Congress Legalizes Child Labor
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a landmark vote on Monday morning, the Libertarian-controlled Congress passed a bill eliminating all prohibitions on child labor in the United States. Standing outside the Capitol Building, large swaths of supporters wearing Ayn Rand t-shirts emblazoned…
If Your Girl Feels Down, Make Her Feel Important (comic)
Come on guys, we’ve all been there. Your girl is feeling down, you want to be supportive and encouraging, but sometimes your animalistic male nature takes over and you just have to be yourself for a minute. We all get…