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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)

Rambunctious Orange Lives Matter Civil Activist and Pitiful Nazicon Stooge Donald Trump has recently delivered another hate-ridden tirade. After his edgy pre-election comments on ‘Latino rapists’ and ‘banning Muslims,’ Jake Tapper’s recent interview shows the Donald propagating a bizarre anti-Semitic conspiracy theory.

TAPPER: Mr Trump, do you actually believe the Jews control Israel? Continue Reading

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More Contentious Donald Trump Policies

More Contentious Donald Trump Policies

Here are the latest harebrained policy suggestions from Donald Trump.

Make America Ridiculous Again!

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1. Criminalize hate speech against corporations. Corporations are people too, and they have feelings!

2. Shut down X Factor. Don’t you think we’ve had enough of this crap by now?!

3. Women who have vaginas should be punished. Continue Reading

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Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire

Raping in the Name of: Mysterious Trot Infestation in Yorkshire Leaves Potential Sex Offenders Shaking Their Dicks!!!

Not so long ago, I spoke about my not so intimate encounter with the Hyde Park Trots in Leeds, Yorkshire. Continue Reading

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CIA Digs up Dirt on President Trump, forms New Planet

CIA Digs up Dirt on President Trump, forms New Planet

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–In response to President-elect Donald Trump’s denigrating the American intelligence community, the CIA dug up a planet of dirt on Trump, altering the Earth’s gravitational field.

The American intelligence community was united in its assessment that Russia hacked into the Democratic National Committee’s emails to attempt to give Donald Trump an advantage in his campaign against Democratic rival Hillary Clinton. Continue Reading

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U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News

WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth.

“As a Constitutional scholar, I can assure you that the Founding Fathers of our nation never intended the sacred First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and freedom of the press to apply to websites peddling ‘fake news’. The Founding Fathers well understood the importance of controlling the political narrative,” stated Obama.

“Let me be clear: ‘fake news’ is an enormous problem. So we need a war on fake news like never before. We will work closely with the more established and reliable media companies, including social media, to stamp out the threat that so many independent voices poses to our democracy.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics, World News0 Comments

President Trump Confined to White House, Refusing to take Revolving Door

President Trump Confined to White House, Refusing to take Revolving Door

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–After much legal wrangling, President-elect Donald Trump and his children, Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. divested themselves of their holdings in the Trump Organization and in Trump’s dozens of other companies so that they could carry out their duties as president and as top advisors without the taint of blatant conflicts of interest. But after their term in office, they found it impossible to physically leave the White House, because they refused to use any of the hundreds of revolving doors back to the private sector, these being the only doors leading out of the building. Continue Reading

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Jonathan Mitchell: Reflections Before the Election

Jonathan Mitchell: Reflections Before the Election

NOTE FROM WALLACE: This note was penned by Jonathan Mitchell, prominent autism advocate, before the recent US election result. I think this piece is of good historical interest, as it captures some of the uncertainty and anxiety in the air at that time.

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The election is today and I’ve already cast my vote. I wanted to make a blog post before it ends tomorrow.

Donald Trump believes that autism is caused by vaccines. I think he may also believe in a government conspiracy. He also mocked a disabled reporter which means he mocked me and all other disabled people. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

American Hypocrisy Fuels Interdimensional Starship

American Hypocrisy Fuels Interdimensional Starship

Dateline: WATERLOO–A team of scientists and engineers at the Perimeter Institute in Waterloo, Ontario has invented a technique for converting American leaders’ hypocrisy into fuel to power an interdimensional starship.

Thorsten Dillydally, leader of the team of researchers, was led to his hypothesis after sitting through press coverage of the Russian hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s emails, which tilted the election towards a Trump victory of the presidency in 2016. Continue Reading

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Germany Prepares to Prosecute Millions for Insulting Donald Trump in 2017

Germany Prepares to Prosecute Millions for Insulting Donald Trump in 2017

BERLIN – Germany’s law against insulting the leaders of foreign governments will be put to the ultimate test when billionaire Twitter personality Donald Trump is sworn in as President of the United States in January 2017.

Insulting President-Elect Donald Trump has become a favorite pastime and even personal crusade for millions of disillusioned people across the world. Many Germans view Trump’s crass expression of his troglodytic weltanschauung as a new all-time low in the history of Western political discourse.
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Posted in Politics, World News2 Comments

Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments

Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments

Donald Trump has wasted no time putting his signature on his new administration. In what some critics are calling a scarily bad case of Opposite Day, President-Elect Trump so far has chosen an Education Secretary who has never held any position in public education, a HUD Secretary with no previous experience dealing with public housing, a Secretary of State with no history in international diplomacy, and an EPA Head who believes climate change is a myth.

In a similarly bold fashion, Trump’s latest Cabinet appointments are sure to win praise from supporters hopeful that he will turn back the clock (to 1953) and destroy unnecessary, wasteful government programs like Obamacare, banking regulation, Social Security and the environment. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Who Needs Real News When Fake News Is Way More Fun! (It never stopped Fox News or Donald Trump!)

Who Needs Real News When Fake News Is Way More Fun! (It never stopped Fox News or Donald Trump!)

Fake News Fer Sale! Git Yer Fake News Right Here!

Suddenly fake news stories are the In Thing and do we have ’em here for you!

Get in on the latest fad and power trip going- fake news stories! Amaze your friends! Harass your enemies! Embarrass your mom!
We have them for you here in all shapes and sizes. And all political, ethnic, social and gender variations.

Need a story to make Trump look like a hero- got ’em right here for ya!

Need a tale that makes him look like a chump? Got that too. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island

Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island

Let me just say Richard Condon was wrong. The Manchurian Candidate is from Moscow and he ain’t brainwashed. Nothing about the recent election would make for a decently plausible political thriller or even proper parody. I know truth is stranger than fiction but damn!

There is an eerie symmetry in reality sometimes, parallels between two totally unrelated items that can’t be ignored.

So in the immortal words of Rod Serling, spinning in his grave like a top, presented for your consideration, meet Mr. Donald Trump, unlikely presidential candidate who found himself in the most powerful office in the world….somewhere, on Gilligan’s Island. Submitted for your approval, five ways a Trump presidency is like Gilligan’s Island.

1) A year ago the Trump candidacy was viewed as no more than a three hour tour.

2) Like the Howells, The Clintons seem to carry a lot more baggage than the rest of the castaways. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories8 Comments

When Donald Met Nigel (A Comic Dialogue in Two Annoying Parts)

When Donald Met Nigel (A Comic Dialogue in Two Annoying Parts)

NOTE FROM WALLACE: Welcome Appleseed Ike, of Satirical-Industrial Complex! This is Ike’s first piece for Glossy News.

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When you hear about a meeting between Donald and Nigel you’d stereotypically picture two ageing, dogmatic men. What happens is far worse than a stereotype.

D- Hey British guy, why don’t you start by telling me about your crooked plan to get rid of Theresa May… not be very good for Britain. Ha. They can’t imagine it! Sad.

N- Well, it’s quite genius really. First you show some turbulence between the USA and Britain. This will create worry and confusion because of Brexit…

D- I love Brexit. Awesome! They tell me about Brexit. I know Brexit. Nobody does Brexit better than the Donald. Continue Reading

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Gone But Not Forgotten! John Kerry Meme Tribute

Gone But Not Forgotten! John Kerry Meme Tribute

 The High Sultan of Flip-Flop will soon shuffle mournfully off the political scene. But let’s remember some of the highlights of John Kerry’s career.

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Posted in Politics, War Zone0 Comments

Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

After being betrayed by the ‘faux progressive’ DNC establishment, Bernie Sanders is trying to console himself by making a radical career change.

He is now fronting a new Patti Smith Tribute Band.

Here’s Bernie now, with his:

Rock ‘n’ Roll Riggers!

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Bernie was a maverick,
Bernie was a bro!
Bernie got votes and then Bernie got bigger…
Bernie got something, Hillary got more!
Bernie was betrayed by the DNC riggers Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Five Reasons Why a Trump Presidency is Not that Bad

Five Reasons Why a Trump Presidency is Not that Bad

NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our Chris (as we say back in Yorkshire!) wrote this very shortly after the recent election. It may still resonate with some people. Leave your comments if you have views on this somewhat contrarian piece from a prominent critical thinker around our parts!

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If you were to read my Facebook feed, you would probably thing the apocalypse has genuinely happened. It may be easy to think so from the snow that appeared over night. However, I note that we are now a whole day later and all still alive. The reality is that a Trump presidency is not that bad. Here is why.

This is Brexit times 0.1

Brexit times ten? It might be for Trump? But for us this is nothing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary2 Comments

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