Category: Politics
Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured
MCLEAN, VA —GlossyNews The recently announced “early departure” of a 43-year-old right wing political activist and blogger has brought to the forefront an investigation into a viral GOPTea™ campaign that has begun figuratively taking down some big players: Bachmann, Cain,…
GOP Hopefuls Woo Gilligan’s Island Caucus
When the Republican primary race began in January 2009, few could have imagined the many twists and turns that lay ahead. So perhaps it is fitting that residents of a small Pacific island will have a disproportionate voice in choosing…
Fidel Polled Better Than Newt in Miami
MIAMI, FL —GlossyNews In a revealing, some even said shocking, poll taken after the Jacksonville GOPTea™ debate in Florida, Fidel Castro came in 4% ahead of Newt Gingrich, one of the real candidates for the presidential primary contest. The poll…
Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow; Predicts Six More Months of Newt Gingrich
Folks in Pennsylvania have been complaining for years about all the taxpayer money they spend on lavishing their resident star groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, with the best hole in the county and some of the finest fruits and vegetables around. For…
Ringling Brothers Circus Sues Republicans And Democrats Over Rights ToThe Title “Greatest Circus On Earth”.
Ringling Brothers Circus is suing both the Republican and Democratic Parties for infringements on the copyright claim of running ‘The Biggest Circus In The World’. The Ringling Brothers, for a century the largest traveling circus on the circuit, is now…
Aging Gingrich Sucking Life Out of Youthful Santorum Race
Volunteers for GOP candidate Rick Santorum say they are growing more tired by the day trying to come up with good things to say about Newt Gingrich in order to keep the Gingrich/Santorum tag team going against candidate Mitt Romney….
Recycling Republicans
SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied…
Newt Reveals ‘Cart Before Horse’ Campaign
DES MOINES, IA —GlossyNews GOPTea Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich proposes to mount a nationwide nomination strategy without the use of a strong professional campaign staff. He says all he has is Callista. Gingrich freely admits it is a dizzy idea….
GOPTea: Rock/Paper/Scissors Instead
WASHINGTON DC —GlossyNews The GOPTea has sent out an amazing alternate proposal to the 50 states, territories and District of Columbia to replace the various GOPTea presidential caucuses and primaries in 2012 with a complicated Rock/Paper/Scissors Contest, or GOPTea–RPS. And…
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Makes Huge Announcement
“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major…