“I’ve given it much consideration,” said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at an impromptu news conference called late Monday afternoon at the New Jersey diner where Christie is a regular customer. “I know that this decision will have a major impact on my wife Mary Pat, as well as my children, and so what I am about to tell you comes from my having spent hours upon hours upon hours spent in deep thought and reflection and it is a decision I do not take lightly.
With baited breath, the audience waited to hear those magical words, that Christie has decided to run for President.
“My fellow Americans, I am here today to announce to you my decision to choose a Weight Watcher’s diet over Atkins. My reasons for doing so…” but the crowd stood in silence. “You mean you’re freakin’ gonna finally go on a diet?” yelled someone from the back of the crowd.
“Yes,” replied Christie, puffing his chest out a bit more, so proud of himself and his decision. “Oh, and by the way, for the hundredth time folks, I am NOT running for President.”