Category: Top Stories
NRA Rushes Arms To Help Beleaguered Mexican Drug Cartels
Boca Raton, NM (GlossyNews) — The National Rifle Association, (NRA), ever at hand to aid the munitionally deprived, is running to the aid of drug cartels in Northern Mexico. Noting that they are in need of arms and ammunition, they…
Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — Speaker Pelosi this week followed triumph with triumph, again displaying her political acumen by securing the coveted Werewolf vote. The move stunned even Pelosi’s harshest critics speechless, shaking their heads in grudging admiration. A visibly euphoric…
Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives
Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) Both critics and supporters of President Obama are expressing equal measures of dismay by a recent announcement that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore is on the short list to replace Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens…
Glossy News Wins Pulitzer Prize
Tonopah, NV Reuters — Humor news media titan Glossy News has won the Pulitzer in this year’s newly added “Best exploitation of a disaster” category. The committee cited GNN’s round the clock coverage from earthquake ravaged Hawaii. Media watchers were…
Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise move President Obama is set to nominate media mogul Oprah Winfrey to fill the Supreme Court vacancy created by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. According to sources Winfrey will continue starring in her…
New York Governor Plans to Make You Pay to Poop
New York, NY 10017 (GlossyNews) — At a press this morning, Governor David Paterson unveiled a drastic overhaul to the operation of New York public restrooms meant to reign in spending and generate new revenue for the debt ridden state. “I’ve pretty much cut every…
Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans
Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th. The leader of the herd, known only as Star,…
Al Qaeda Dusts Off the Usama Bin Laden Doll for Another Video
Cave Town, Pakistan (GlossyNews) — Al Queda has brought their ‘El Cid’ out into the fresh air again to renew belief in their cause and to yank the West’s chain. According to news sources Usama bin Laden has made a…
Check Out This Guy’s Birth Certificate
On a Private Island in the Pacific (GlossyNews) — There is a man whose birth certificate should be given a lot of scrutiny. No, he is not Obama. This guy is whiter than Wonder Bread. He has done more to…
Romney Cooks Up New Image for 2012
CHICAGO, IL (GlossyNews) — During an interview in a Chicago bus station on Wednesday, Mitt Romney said, “I think that one of the things that’s very important in running a successful presidential campaign is to make sure that voters can…