Category: Top Stories
More CEO Jokes (Because They Just Won’t Go Away)
Why is the nickname for CEO’s ‘Deepwater Horizon’? Because they leave an oily trail behind them wherever they go.
Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess
President blames himself for underestimating extent to which his Republican predecessor managed to f*ck everything up. WASHINGTON – In a conciliatory address to the nation today, President Obama apologized for the amount of time it has taken for him to…
Republicans Not Sure Which Grover to Follow, Norquist or the Muppet
Republican lawmakers have been pretty gung ho these past couple years to sign the Taxpayer Protection Pledge penned by Conservative Lobbyist and smarmy ringleader, Grover Norquist. The pledge essentially requires a “no” vote on any tax increase, especially on the…
9 Reasons Why Reagan is the Best Liberal President Ever
We hear a lot from the conservative right praising Reagan as if he was the very baby Jesus they so desperately wish to meet again. But the truth is that Reagan, by today’s standards at least, was a flaming liberal….
Mexican Drug Cartel Goes Public
Wall Street, N.Y. – Joaquin Guzman, leader and CEO of the Sinaloa Drug Cartel, the largest and one of the most powerful drug cartels in the world, has initiated an IPO (Initial Public Offering) underwritten by the investment bank, Goldman…
VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident
Tyler, Wyoming – (GlossyNews.com) – Ex-vice president Dick Cheney, an avid bird hunter who has helped his post heart transplant surgery by getting back outdoors, was injured in a freak accident duck hunting at one of the lakes in rural…
Goodbye BobZaguy…
CHICAGO, IL – EBBQ – Today GlossyNews lost one of its most faithful and cherished writers, Bob Rohden, aka BobZaguy. While I wish this were a roast instead of a eulogy, and I only knew Bobz (as I affectionately called…
Obama’s New Running Mate – Anti-Biden Shocker
It came out today that President Obama will replace Joe Biden as his running mate for the 2012 presidential election. Beyonce will be filling in for the stodgy old senator. Her star power will surely add the glitz and glamor…
ATM Worried About Job Prospects in Cashless Economy
COLUMBUS, OH – As plastic and electronic methods continue to replace cash as consumers’ preferred means of payment, fears about the long-term impact of this trend are running high among a key segment of the nation’s banking workforce, specifically its…
Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight
NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent. Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to…