Obama Apologizes For Time It’s Taken To Clean Up Bush’s Mess

President blames himself for underestimating extent to which his Republican predecessor managed to f*ck everything up. 

WASHINGTON – In a conciliatory address to the nation today, President Obama apologized for the amount of time it has taken for him to dig America out of the incredibly deep sh*thole it was left in by the Bush administration.

He did not use those exact words, however.

Recognizing what he termed his “failure to revitalize the nation,” Mr. Obama placed the blame for the U.S.’s continuing economic troubles squarely on his own shoulders, without mentioning the fact that the country’s financial stability had been almost totally eviscerated during President Bush’s disastrous eight years in office.

Using somewhat different language, the President accepted full responsibility for his inability to rapidly rinse away the fetid stench of greed, corruption, cronyism, military recklessness, and shortsighted fiscal incompetence which marked the policies of the previous administration.

“It’s clear that we have to try harder,” President Obama said, in an apparent reference to his own administration rather than to the blood-sucking billionaire jackals and their Republican lackeys thanks to whom, as a society, we are now almost totally screwed.

In his self-criticism, President Obama appeared to accept the proposition that after he was elected the nation had every right to expect that he would swiftly erase the trillions in government debt accrued during the Bush years through a huge tax cut for the rich combined with two unfunded wars and a massive unfunded Medicare drug benefit.

Despite the fact that the U.S. economy in general and its financial system in particular had been subjected to an unprecedented combination of blind self-interest and almost criminal regulatory mismanagement by the Bush administration, the President insisted that, “Ultimately, when it comes to our current economic difficulties, the buck stops with me.”

In his address, the President asked Americans for their patience while he continues to try to pull the country back from the precipice of total collapse to which it had been led by the Bush-Cheney team, and he vowed to do better in attempting to lift up the nation’s bloated and rotting corpse with the aim of restoring its vitality as the world’s leading economic power – a promise which he actually expressed a bit differently.

“Never forget that we’re Americans, and that means we are capable of doing anything we set our minds to,” the President told the nation, apparently regardless of how totally skull-fucked most Americans still feel three years after the end of the Bush administration.

Following his address, President Obama’s re-election campaign headquarters unveiled his new slogan for the 2012 race. Building on his previous slogan while acknowledging its as-yet-unfulfilled promise, the new slogan states: “Yes, we stillcan.”

What the slogan does not add is: “…assuming you don’t once again elect me as President and at the same time elect a majority of Republican dickwads in Congress who continue to block every single solution I propose.”



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