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Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (3/3)

Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (3/3)

All in all, I’m very relieved The Intercept never got back to me about that speculative CV. Perhaps I dodged a bullet there! It is evidently beneath Glenn Greenwald to say ‘Je Suis Charlie.’ So I am glad that, professionally speaking, I will never have to endure the rank humiliation of saying #JeSuis Intercept.’

Glenn, you are a person of quite astounding talent and passion. It’s just such a pity you seem to risk ruining your legacy. If you are for freedom of speech, as you claim, then you must be for it consistently. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (2/3)

Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (2/3)

Did you know that Greenwald once addressed CAIR,  which latter has been accused by the FBI of links to Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood?

And did you also know that Greenwald writes, apparently without a trace of irony, about ‘the military coup (sic!) against the democratically elected Egyptian government of the Muslim Brotherhood’ (sic!)?

Presumably, this is not to be confused with the ‘democratically elected’ government of Germany, the National Socialists. Or how about the Ukrainian coup, or dare I say, ‘regime change?’ See this on some apparently unproven allegations that some have made about The Intercept’s billionaire funder Omidyar, and Greenwald’s consummately feeble rationalization, which will be perfectly convincing… Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (1/3)   

Open Letter to Glenn Greenwald: Greenwald & the Ghostly-Chilling Effects (1/3)  

I’m going to hold my hands up. It is problematic to write negatively about someone you have once sent a CV to. People may think you are bitter and biased. And I wouldn’t normally do such a thing; prudential-wise and principle-wise alike, there are risks.

However, there are limits to such general principles, after all! And as my loyalty is to satire and to satirists (living and massacred alike), and not to the journalist I am going to talk about in the third person until the very end of this open letter, I am going to stick my neck out. In general, I prefer to take the painfully perilous and even life-endangering path of Charb, and not the safe, quasi-respectable and achingly comfortable path of Glenn Greenwald, a key ‘establishment indymedia’ figure.

 ‘Establishment indymedia?’ Contradiction in terms? Continue Reading

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9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 20

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 20

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The New White House
Part 20

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

Work was going on well with the new White House complex area. A secondary fence had been built around the entire park across from the White House, pushing the protestors beyond the level to which he could hear their noise. The immense bunker complex was half finished, with the most crucial offices already open and running. It had been a marvel of building as during its construction there was to be no evidence of its creation above the surface. The machinery was brought in piecemeal at night and tunnels built through already existing underground complexes. Now as much work went on in the Cheney government underground as there did above. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics2 Comments

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (V): The Gilded Birdcage of Spoilt Gods

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (V): The Gilded Birdcage of Spoilt Gods

Quite frankly, if someone believes that children must be deprived of blood transfusions (Jehovah’s Witnesses), or of all medical care (Christian Scientists), or that women are the property of men, or that gay people are sodomites who are all going to eternal hellfire, or that disabled people are suffering the results of our evil and atrocious deeds in the past…

Then that concerns me very deeply.

But on the other hand, if someone personally believes that Jesus literally turned the water into wine, that Muhammad made the moon split in two, or that Sri Krishna performed many wondrous miracles, then in all seriousness, that does not trouble me in the least. There are more important things in life to worry about.

But even so, concerning ‘limits’ to satire, I will affirm that I do reserve the inalienable right to treat religion as not pristine, as not above theoretical critique, or above satirizing, or above ‘blasphemy.’

And I have little to no respect for anyone who makes religion exceptional, in terms of the inalienable right and sovereign prerogative to criticize and satirize; an entitlement and a ‘privilege’ that can and must be shared be all like, without neither cavil nor complaint.

‘Shame on me,’ indeed! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary2 Comments

Donald Trump Dead!

Donald Trump Dead!

WASHINGTON, DC – Nancy Pelosi delivered a devastating blow to the Republican Party Monday afternoon by defeating leading Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, in a fierce game of Battleship that ended with Pelosi sinking Trump’s aircraft carrier. With a call of C-8, an overshadowing Pelosi gazed directly into the eyes of the man who has disrupted the lives of all other politicians since his campaign was officially launched on June 16, 2015.

“Back off Warchild, seriously.” Pelosi quoted Bodhi from her favorite movie Point Break that was recently remade and released on Christmas Day. However, Pelosi favors the original film that was released in 1991 and stars Hollywood hot-shot, Keanu Reeves and the late Patrick Swayze.

“Oh, that Patrick,” Pelosi gently murmured to reporters from the chair in which she killed the American business magnate whose hair was styled in the shape of a rabid cat to scare his opponent. “This was a battle won at the hands of Milton Bradley for the American People. We have rid the Presidential pool of Donald Trump!” Pelosi violently shouted with a continuous surge in energy, finishing her short speech standing up in her chair. Continue Reading

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Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (IV): Are Critics of Religion ‘Hateful Extremists?’

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (IV): Are Critics of Religion ‘Hateful Extremists?’

But what, then, are my own limits for religious satire?
I will not provide an exhaustive discussion here.

I will, however, say that I do not believe that religion is either a ‘force for good’ or a ‘force for evil’ in some one-sided sense.

For, superstition and dogmatism are great evils, but I do not think that the history of religion is merely or even primarily a catalogue of backward, primitive errors, as so many of the ‘New Atheists’ seem to imply.

Of course, if it is not the intention of any New Atheists, to imply such, then perhaps there is something very faulty with their rhetorical and communicative strategies. This would not perhaps be so surprising, given that much New Atheist rhetoric is deeply problematic.

For example, I consider the late humanitarian interventionist and former Luxemburgist radical, Christopher Hitchens, to be an intellectual suicide bomber who destroyed himself and the consciences of anyone who stood by and approved of his disingenuous, militaristic sophistries. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary2 Comments

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (III): Moralists are Killing Satire

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (III): Moralists are Killing Satire

So let no-one think that by appeasing jihadists or by appeasing unaccountable figures in the countries that Orientalizing intellectuals opportunistically market as ‘the (sole and exclusively) Free World’ that they will avert their malice or their wrath.

For, none of the promises either of political Islamists and jihadists or of humanitarian interventionist intellectuals and counter-jihadists can be trusted or valued.

Indeed. Realpolitik is realpolitik, which is as much as to say that from ‘high-minded idealism,’ nothing better can be expected than high-minded idealism. And there is nothing that savors more of Realpolitik than high-minded idealism, as the terms are merely two superficially different names for the same thing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary4 Comments

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (II): Freedom of Speech is Not Idealism

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (II): Freedom of Speech is Not Idealism

So who decides what is blasphemous or hateful?

Whoever has the power to do so.

But of course, this does not mean that all opinions are equal.

For, it is perfectly true to say that women should treated in light of an intrinsic value identical to men, that gay people are not twisted deviants, and that eugenics and eugenicists are an abomination. These ideas are non-negotiable.

However, moral panics about ‘blasphemy’ and ‘hatred’ in the context of satire serve the interests of reactionaries of every stripe.

Hence, curiously enough, freedom of speech is not the ‘idealist’ or ‘fundamentalist’ position.

Rather, it is precisely because idealistic, abstract and fundamentalist models of reality are unworkable in practice, that freedom of speech is required in the first place! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary2 Comments

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (I): Every Truth is Blasphemy

Charlie Hebdo Anniversary Tribute (I): Every Truth is Blasphemy

Note: This is a serialization of the essay from the new, expanded edition of my satire ebook, I Shouldn’t Do God. Updates on www.wallacerunnymede.com

Dedicated to the unforgettable and shining martyrs of Charlie Hebdo and Hyper Cacher.

I am still Charlie.

To start off a series of fake news satire anthologies with a volume on religion seems very appropriate, given the vicious massacre of the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists, and the other vicious murders which were committed on the same day at Hyper Cacher.

Some of these murders have already been conveniently ‘forgotten.’

But despite my allusion to these vile assassinations, I am not unaware of the mobilization of the massacre by cynical opportunists.

In the second edition of this essay, which you now see before you, I must also mention the November massacres in Paris. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary2 Comments

Announcing Charlie Tribute Hebdo Tribute Serialization

Announcing Charlie Tribute Hebdo Tribute Serialization

Prefatory note by Voltaire:

Eh bien! The following piece, it is all rather ornate-sounding. The artificial style and flamboyance of a pseudo-Parisian, or even a tinpot Hitchens knock-off.

Ah, Mesdames et Messieurs, please do not worry… the essay itself that the Monsieur Wallace is announcing, it will be much less artsy-fartsy. I believe he has drunk of the Anglo-Yuletide sherry, and so you should be so pleased as to not take the contrived style to heart! Next time, he will be more sober, but no less swiftly, eh bien, Swiftly truthful!

I am running my serialization of Why Shouldn’t I Do God from 3-7 January: on Glossy News

This essay appeared in the original edition of the first volume of Wallace Runnymede Satire Catastrophes. The second edition comes out at the end of January 2016. The latter ebook was entitled I Shouldn’t Do God…

Thanks Alistair! The latter Notable-Public-Publicist being ever a source of wanton inspiration and flamboyantly articulate delight, as some will no doubt already be aware…

Here and here.  😉

More soberly, though (and no less seriously), the essay Why Should I Do God may be of considerable interest to those who are not at all too slick and bien-pensant (de droite et de gauche!) to utter the immortal words:

#JeSuisCharlie Continue Reading

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Posted in Opinon/Editorial, Serious Commentary0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The  Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The Green Zone
Part 19

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

The bunker was hardly the Ritz. Lavish though, especially for a bunker. No view. Being underground one doesn’t really need windows. That didn’t matter, Cheney preferred the security it offered over any view it might have of this forbidding land. “Why does God always put oil in the most difficult of places?” he thought to himself. Continue Reading

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Republicans Vanish in Puffs of Smoke when called Evil

Republicans Vanish in Puffs of Smoke when called Evil

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are rejoicing after the Republican population has shrunk by nearly two thirds because its opponents have discovered a technique for making the conservatives literally disappear.

Hugh Bloomfeld, the technique’s originator, recalls his Eureka moment. “My right-wing sister dragged me to a Donald Trump speech,” he said, “and I remember hearing all this xenophobia and crass jingoism. Trump was demagoguing and pandering like a politician’s supposed to, but he was doing much worse than that.”

After the event, Bloomfeld went home and pondered what Trump and his supporters were saying. “Trump was, like, calling himself the best and hating on everyone else: everyone who wasn’t like him. And he wasn’t just hating with words. He was promising to annihilate everyone else, to crush and ruin them. Then it dawned on me. I thought, ‘Isn’t that just plain…evil?’”

Over Christmas dinner, Bloomfeld sat across from his conservative sister who was doomed to be the first victim of this revolutionary new weapon in the American culture war. “She was spouting the most awful bigotry,” Bloomfeld recalled, though tears. “She was blind to America’s many faults, heaping demonizations onto everyone else. It was so childishly narrow-minded, so nakedly callous and coarse and maniacal and egotistical and greedy and boorish and unfair and malicious and troglodytic and repulsive and inveterate and deranged and bellicose and obscene and hateful and cold-blooded and arrogant and narcissistic and immoral—I just broke down and said, ‘Stop it, Sally! You’re being evil.’”

Instantly, Sally Bloomfeld disappeared in a puff of smoke. “I couldn’t believe it at first,” said Hugh. “I thought it was some kind of twisted magic trick. But she was gone—just gone, like Rumpelstiltskin.”

News spread of Bloomfeld’s accidental discovery. While Bloomfeld hadn’t intended to send his hapless sister to some netherworld by calling her by her true name, liberals were quick to apply the technique in earnest. Entire Trump, Cruz, and other Tea Party rallies disappeared in billowing clouds of smoke, having been surrounded by liberals shouting “You’re evil!’ into megaphones.

Claire Feminista attended one such anti-Republican incursion. “Some libertarian crackpot was on the stage,” she reminisced. “Some social Darwinian who was saying the sick and the poor should be left to die because that’s what ‘The Market’ wants. And the Tea Partiers were cheering like they were drunk on rage. We closed in with our megaphones. One by one the offenders disappeared into thin air. You couldn’t see them through the fog. Some of the evil ones tried to flee, but we hunted them down with our megaphones and applied the bald truth to their faces. They vanished too. We left none unidentified.”

Mengyao Zyu, physicist at Caltech, led a team of researchers to study the phenomenon. Describing his experiment, Zyu said, “We wanted to see whether the Republicans are somehow transformed into smoke or the smoke merely signals that they’d been teleported somewhere by the utterance of the magic word.”

Zyu’s team lured Fox-watching Republicans to his laboratory by offering them memorabilia signed by their favourite right-wing demagogue. “They came in droves,” he said. “We called them evil and at first nothing happened. My colleague, Marcus Wannabanger, noticed that the Republicans were fixated on the memorabilia. He asked one of the test subjects, an old blue collar fellow, to look him in the eyes for a moment. ‘Did you know that you’re flat-out evil?’ he asked him. And the old man vanished on the spot. So we determined that if you want them to disappear, you have to look them in the eyes when you call them what they are.

“The smoke itself is mysterious,” he continued. “It issues forth in prodigious quantities. We had to clear the building after a mass truth-telling. We had a hundred subjects in there clamoring for Fiorina T-shirts, Sean Hannity pens, and George W. Bush mugs. We asked them to look at us and then we pointed out that their beliefs make them crazy evil. We were choking in the fog left by their departure from this plane of existence.”

The researchers went on to discover that because the abundant smoke nevertheless possesses less mass than the Republicans, the law of the conservation of mass dictates that the individuals aren’t turned into the smoke. “We don’t know where they go,” Zyu concedes. “What we do know is that many people are just glad they’re no longer here.”

When Republicans first learned of their vulnerability, many refused to believe it. Conservative pundits continued to appear on CNN and Fox News, defying their liberal counterparts to call them evil and maintaining that the rumor of their liability to be whisked away in such a fashion is a socialist conspiracy. Each of the true believers was never seen again. Curiously, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck were impervious to the truth-telling. Eventually, they admitted they had been acting as performers all along and had been “in it just to sell books,” as O’Reilly put it.

Donald Trump’s departure was an epic event. “My polls are higher than ever before,” he boasted at his last rally. “I apologize for nothing!”

“Yeah, that’s because you’re a straight-up evil clown,” shouted Todd Donahue, a Democrat who had sneaked into the rally. Mr. Trump vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind his peculiar hair on the stage. Trump’s buildings themselves also disappeared, leaving gaping holes in the New York cityscape. One architect responded, “Glad they’re gone. They were monstrosities too.”

According to political scientists, the hardcore Republicans were incapable of surviving the intervention precisely because they were what people were finally saying they were. “They can’t apologize or change their ways,” said one. “They’re too macho and their pride’s on the line. They couldn’t see the truth for themselves because they lived in the Fox News bubble. They hated everyone but themselves, they couldn’t empathize, so they couldn’t even pick up a book written by someone with an opposite viewpoint.”

Bewildered by the loss of their conservative heroes, some Republicans went on rampages, shooting up liberal areas of the country before police could bring their new weapon to bear. The officers merely applied the E-word and saved their bullets as well as the city the cost of imprisoning those who were evidently evil.

Other Republicans opted for a more underhanded stratagem, pretending to have converted to the more modern, liberal perspective. Frank Tankman, a lifelong conservative, piled his collection of firearms onto his lawn and dynamited them. “See?” he shouted to liberal onlookers. “I don’t love guns anymore. I love people. Give me a baby to hold! Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. I love everyone equally. I’m one of you liberal do-gooders now.”

A child, Sarah Toddle, was the first to spy the machinegun tucked beneath his shirt. Sarah’s mother reported that her daughter tugged on her dress, pointed to the concealed gun and asked, “Is he still evil, mommy?”

“Only one way to find out,” Mrs. Toddle answered.

Asked why he was still carrying the flashy, over-killing firearm, Mr. Tankman answered, “Just for squirrels and varmints and such.” The crowd challenged him, accusing him of belonging to the same sort of death cult as the jihadist terrorists. “I don’t love death and destruction,” he hollered. “Well, maybe when the End Times come it will be pretty sweet. I mean, it will be just like in the movies: cities on fire, the godless masses on their knees, ravaged by demons.”

When Mr. Tankman began drooling in anticipation, Mrs. Toddle nodded at Sarah and encouraged her to call the man by his true name. “You’re an evil scallywag,” said Sarah to his face, drawing the appellation from her favourite picture book. Frank Tankman dematerialized, the smoke settling like fog in the twilight.

Democrats now easily win their elections in what remains a two-party system, but there are indications that the millions of eligible Americans who don’t vote expect the unrivalled Democrats to succumb to the temptation of forming a tyranny. “When that happens,” says one who is religious in his nonvoting, “we’ll be ready with the truth-telling E-word.”

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Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys

Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys

The Clinton and Bush Dynasties have released a joint mutual solidarity statement condemning Trump’s recent (allegedly) divisive populist policies…

As exclusively revealed on Glossy News over the course of the past 48 hours.

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/201512160200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-12/ and

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/internet/201512170200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-22/

This typically balanced and dispassionate artefact of radical political performance theatre reads as follows: Continue Reading

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Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill

Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill

Hillary Clinton, long under investigation by Congress for her use of a private email account for government business, may wish that messages concerning the Benghazi inquiry are the only revelations that come out.

According to recently disclosed documents, emails indicate that it was more than three years after her husband, Bill Clinton, left office that she first realized what the term ‘oral sex’ meant. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

4. BAN STUPID MUSIC FROM CLUBS!!! 

Why can’t we just have the clubs play proper music that you can actually dance and sing to? Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, I mean, hell, even Creedence Clearwater Revival, just throwing that one out there!

I mean, I couldn’t care less, but we just have to do something! How much longer are the American people gonna have to put up with this?

You know what, you’re sick and tired of it, I’m sick and tired of it too. Let’s put an end to this and put a stop to all this pathetic, ridiculous music, once and for all! Freedom of speech doesn’t mean your stupid tunes have to be heard by just about everyone! That’s not what America is all about!

(Sheesh! That ‘freedom of speech demands accountability’ schtick sounded like a Clinton thing, right? Well, I’ve given money to Democrats too. You know, I’m not a dogmatic kinda guy!)

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

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