Rules are made to be broken and it appears that may be happening in the case of the fast food giant McDonald’s when it comes to complying with the new rules handed down under the Health Care Reform Bill. We knew it would only be a matter of time before large employers claimed their bottom line would be affected if they were to (gasp) be required to provide affordable health care insurance coverage to their employees. Continue Reading

NEW BRIGHTON, Pennsylvania (BNSE) — State and local law enforcement agencies were placed on high alert today as thousands of idiot nephews began massing around the state in the wake of massive layoffs from state agencies and local businesses due to severe budget cutbacks as a result of the slow economy.

“Oh, dear God… Dear God… This is bad… I mean real bad,” said an official spokesman for the Governor’s office before he broke down in tears. “We never thought it would come to this. None of us did. I mean, it was my mother, you know. She puts me on the spot right at Thanksgiving dinner about why I can’t get Willie a job. I just wanted to eat some turkey, dammit, and now Willie’s not penned up for eight hours a day at the DMV and I can’t reach my wife on the cell phone!.” Continue Reading

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — On August 28, 2010, in a jaw-dropping spectacle of blatant bigotry, Fox News racist extraordinaire Glenn Beck, and Sarah Palin, Mrs. White Trash with Money 2010, held a KKK rally today on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a dream speech“ 47 years ago to the day. Continue Reading

HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — Just a few weeks ago at the annual televised ‘Celebrity Judging Show,’ critics awarded President Barack Hussein Obama’s wife, Michelle, the coveted ‘Really Big Ass of the Year’ award.

Hundreds of Hollywood’s elite gathered at a star-studded ceremony held in Grauman’s Chinese Theater as a team of judges from the prestigious IPT Center announced their favorite picks in 23 different categories. Continue Reading

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — Agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Department of Homeland Security, and SWAT teams from around the are descended on a local unemployment office after a random security sweep uncovered “terrorist paraphernalia” on several adults filing unemployment claims.

A high ranking FBI official confirmed dozens of arrests were made of persons possessing “components necessary for the construction of IED’s (Improvised Explosive Devices,)” Continue Reading

CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — With the advent of National Socialized Medicine, Democratic supporters squeaked in a provision that allows free abortions upon demand for any women who desires one.

Cited as free choice and a right of all women, the Pelosi sponsored amendment was added at the last moment once it was discovered that Congress had the necessary votes to pass an unpopular bill which is vastly unsupported by a vast majority of Americans. Many simply state they like our present healthcare the way it is…The best in the world. Continue Reading

MIDDLE AMERICA, USA (GlossyNews) — Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off anyone looking to evict them from the homes they’ve worked so hard over the years to buy. They’re also buying beer necessary to keep their bravado up as they attempt to stave off those who are hell bent on taking what’s left of their dignity. Continue Reading

WALT DISNEY WORLD, Florida (GlossyNews) — In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of the Revolutionary War. In this parallel universe, personalities and characteristics remain the same, but the environment, the historical time and the circumstances have changed.

The two men meet on the street, glance around to make sure no one is looking, then sneak into an alley to talk secretly. Continue Reading

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

Beleaguered, nearly forgotten Cuba has announced another wave of economic reforms. Under the new guidelines, citizens can operate small businesses, hire employees, and rent property for American currency. Analysts attribute the moves to Raul Castro’s leading the island nation away from Marxism in response to rapidly changing market forces.

No kidding, that is how print journalists really talk? It’s nothing but a bunch of meaningless self-important sounding drivel! Continue Reading

The saying goes “There is more than one way to skin a cat.” No, this isn’t a funny story about a cat. I know, I know, for all you cat lovers out there, maybe there will be one soon, but for now, this is not where to look.

Conan O’Brien once said “During last night’s debate…Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.” It didn’t happen, of course. Edwards turned out to be even more heterosexual than we’d originally thought, Continue Reading

CROOKSTON, Minnesota (GlossyNews) — The Republican Party, frequently criticized for being behind the times and completely devoid of new ideas, has taken yet another strategy from Newt Gingrich’s 1994 GOP Playbook. Michele Bachmann, one of the most prominent she-publican fundraisers, seems to have been advised to do as Reagan would have done, and attacked Bill Clinton in hopes that it will renew her place as the representative from Minnesota’s less-than-competitive 6th district. Continue Reading

In the run up to the this year’s mid-term elections we’ve seen some of the most bizarre behavior and comments coming out of the candidates, especially those who claim to be ordinary Americans wanting to take America back. Come time to vote, unfortunately, those people stand to win and win big.

It’s not because of any message of hope they bring to an America that is hobbling around on a bum economy, but more because of who they are, Continue Reading

Wornolde Points, Ohio (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. News organizations around the world are analyzing the political, economic and policy implications of the recently released GOP “Pledge to America.” But the story doesn’t end there.

In an exclusive interview from his favorite tanning salon, GOP House leader John Boehner revealed ten additional promises in the Pledge to America that “didn’t make the first cut, but make a lot of sense.” Continue Reading

Webster’s Dictionary recently added a new phrase that pretty much sums up the problems facing the Democratic Party today as the important mid-term elections roll ever closer. Eloquently said, the new phrase has captured the imagination of conservative pundits as the predominate adjective used most often on television to describe the situation with the left. Continue Reading

Washington, DC -  (Glossy News Exclusive!)  In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking debt relief, Treasury officials announced a sweeping step-by-step plan to eliminate the nation’s debt held by foreign governments.

Secretary Paulus Franks gave reporters details on the amount of Treasury Notes held by the government of China and the ramifications it had on future American financial growth and expansion of the free enterprise markets in this country. Continue Reading

Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that has thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspect breach of national security was discovered during a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45 minute speech was given by Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi as she addressed the Congressional Investigative Committee for Unidentified Flying Objects. Continue Reading