Fourteenth Suspicious Package Discovered… Maybe Copycat

Washington, DC- On Wednesday morning, Federal Investigators confirmed the existence of a fourteenth suspicious package, this time addressed to President Trump, discovered at a mail sorting facility in the DC area over the weekend. Florida resident and Trump supported Cesar Soyac, 56 years old, was taken into custody by authorities early Friday afternoon in connection to thirteen packages that had been sent to various politicians and outspoken critics of the President. If convicted, Soyac faces up to 48 years in prison. The latest package is the first one to target the President directly.

According to one source inside the investigation, “There are distinct differences between the first thirteen packages, and the latest package,” which was discovered at the USPS Regional Facility Washington DC Network Distribution Center early Sunday morning.  “My gut instinct tells me that the author of this latest package is probably not Soyac, but instead a copycat.”

Investigators point to the construction of the latest device, as well as its intended target as evidence of the copycat theory.  “The original thirteen packages, though non-lethal, demonstrated a working knowledge of basic bomb building techniques.  It would have required very little effort to have made these devices fully functional.  In fact, since all of the necessary components were included in the original packages, it is possible that these devices could have accidently gone off during transport.  The latest package, while still being treated as a valid threat, lacks any of the sophistication employed in the previous packages.”

One investigator, who spoke off the record so he could discuss the situation with more candor, was scathing in his evaluation, calling the latest package, “Equivocal to an ACME rocket.  This is literally the type of device you would make if you grew up watching Looney Tunes.  To call it amateurish is an insult to every kid who’s ever set off a firecracker, and I think even Wile E Coyote would be embarrassed by this effort.”

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You Don’t Need an Office to Grow Your Business

The only thing that is as dynamic as technology is the way that people run their business. Why? Because business ideas pop up in the mind as often as the sun shines in summer. That just how dynamic a business mind is. And if we put that innovative business together with the technology trends nowadays, you will see that you really don’t need an office for your business to grow.

Don’t believe us? Well, read on as we give you tips on how you can grow your business remotely.

Tips on how to Grow your Business Remotely

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Moviegoers Catch Up on Sleep During First Man

Fans of sleeping in comfortable movie chairs are excited about the release of First Man, the latest in the Hollywood tradition of boring movies about space.

“We’re proud of First Man. We think it’s the most boring movie about space ever, and that’s saying a lot,” said producer, Robert Weinbergersteen. “We know the fans go to space movies to get away from it all and escape their lives for a few hours. They really appreciate the opportunity to escape to a dark movie theater, sit in comfortable chairs, not be bothered by phone calls or texts, kids, bosses, spouses, and just fall asleep for two hours.”

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The Funniest Unintentionally Satirical Headlines of Today! But Do You Have a Tip-Off For Us???

1. Cut, cut, cut!

Erdogan is upset at the notion of theocratic dictatorships cutting up innocent people while they’re still alive.

Just so you know.

Prominent UK broadsheet The Guardian quotes Erdogan as follows:

Intelligence and security institutions have evidence showing the murder was planned … Pinning such a case on some security and intelligence members will not satisfy us or the international community. From the person who gave the order, to the person who carried it out, they must all be brought to account.

Yeah, barbaric dictatorships mutilating and murdering innocent people? We couldn’t have that now, could we!

2. I Cannot Tell a Lie

Read more The Funniest Unintentionally Satirical Headlines of Today! But Do You Have a Tip-Off For Us???

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First Verified Proof of Russian Election Hacking, 2018

Roseville, CA- After nearly 18 months of investigation, sources from inside the United States Office of Special Counsel (OSC) have indicated there has been a major breakthrough this week in Robert Mueller’s investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election.  Members of Mueller’s team were spotted leaving the campus of East Roseville High School, just outside the state capitol of Sacramento, Wednesday morning, with a number of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices in hand; including the school servers.

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World’s Most Hated Celebs Launch a New Wave of Horrendous Nike Endorsements! Read On… If You Dare!

When Colin Kapernick joined Nike, a new ad originated:

Believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everything.

This ad has led to many parodies. The meme has been noted in The Chive, The Drum and various other places online. It’s popular enough by now to have featured on Know Your Meme already, an interesting online inventory of popular memes.

So just for our amazing Glossy News readers, here are some of the best celebrity Nike endorsements! Like, laugh and share… Every engagement you give us definitely boosts our Google juice!

Richard Dawkins

Crushingly pompous Hyacinth bouquet wannabe Richard Dawkins takes some time off his Twitter trolling to drop a word to the wise!

Ayatollah Khameini

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Frank Turner Parody: Cameron Fucked The Pigs!

DEDICATED TO ALL OPPONENTS OF BOURGEOIS CENTRISM.

YES, THAT’S RIGHT! I’M BEING NICE THIS TIME…

Whatever happened to dogging?
The pigs are scared now David Cameron’s in the neighbourhood;
His truncheon’s small, deadly and harmful
He’s a nasty sexual deviant Tory shit!
And any little piggy on the farm he sees
Has to run to the farmer with a terrified squeal
They’re all tired of being tired out
Always being molested by Davie’s dangly bits! Read more Frank Turner Parody: Cameron Fucked The Pigs!
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Australian Beauty Industry Ignoring Black Women

For some reason, black women are made to feel unwelcome and invisible in the Australian beauty sphere. The beauty industry markets itself as a progressive feminist space, but only caters to a few out of a majority.

Black women usually encounter the lack of nuance in foundation shades from high-end brands to chemists. You will often find a foundation line with just a handful of brown shades and extensive beige shades. In general, darker shades are understocked and sometimes not even stocked at all. Read more Australian Beauty Industry Ignoring Black Women

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Choosing the Body of the Guitar: Simple Tips for the Beginners & Experts

There is a wide variety of models of guitar bodies and it is one of its components that most influence the sound of this musical instrument. There are 3 basic body styles. Classic is the most used to play with the fingers, being very well balanced between high and low treble in addition to having a very clean sound. Dreadnought is the most common and used, suitable both for playing with the fingers or the pick. They have greater volume than the classic ones and a greater presence of serious tones although all the tones are very balanced. Jumbo is the larger and rounder than the previous ones which give them more volume and gravity. Choose your best electroacoustic guitar and gather all the information you need from Musiety. Read more Choosing the Body of the Guitar: Simple Tips for the Beginners & Experts

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Brexit Disco Classic! Theresa May Little Mix Parody: S/O 2 Mein Ex!

After Ann Widdecomber’s notorious Strictly Come Dancing disaster, centrist Tory Theresa May pulled a Trudeau with some epic Dad dancing in South Africa.

But the UK’s dancing queen has now gone further, and covered universally respected mainstream girlpop collective Little Mix. Let’s give it all up (and how!) for ‘S/O 2 Mein Ex!’

Make sure you click on for more! I promise you are not going to regret it…

Much.
Read more Brexit Disco Classic! Theresa May Little Mix Parody: S/O 2 Mein Ex!

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Unbelievable Scoop! Gripping New Lead in Khashoggi Case (What Does Erdogan Know?!)

The recent Jamal Khashoggi disaster has fired the imagination of backward, primitive theocrats and freedom loving individualists alike.

The Turkish government are apparently very upset a Saudi journalist was dismembered and murdered in the Saudi embassy.

The Saudi government are also not best pleased about innocent people getting cut up and mutilated (make of that what you will!)

However, steamy allegations have now surfaced about the flamboyantly controversial Turkish regime.

Not since the fashionable swishy cloaked clerics of 80s Tehran has the Islamic world seen such a kaleidoscopic explosion of diversity:

FGMs, beheading, stonings, and what have you.

But what really happened to Khashoggi?

A secret video may just have the answer…

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Researchers Discover why Republicans are Evil and Democrats are Cowards

Dateline: MIT—With the election of Donald Trump as president, Republicans have chosen to wear their evil on their sleeves, although the GOP’s social Darwinism, warmongering and shameless, hypocritical idolatry have been palpable since Ronald Reagan created his bizarre coalition of libertarians and evangelical Christians.
Read more Researchers Discover why Republicans are Evil and Democrats are Cowards

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