Category: Top Stories
India Wins Kashmir in Checkers Match
The world map has been redrawn after India won Kashmir by defeating Pakistan in a checkers match. According to correspondents on the ground, India pulled off a close victory by eliminating several red kings from the gameboard, leaving Pakistan boxed…
Bob Simon brings peace to the Middle East
60 Minutes reporter Bob Simon waxed lyrical about Israel’s Iron Dome weapons system. “…a technological marvel, a cutting-edge weapon of war that even some pacifists might come to love. Instead of killing people, Iron Dome saves them.” “Will Israel’s ‘Iron…
They Aren’t Entitlements, Guys, Lay Down Your Weapons
Every day in the conservative media I hear about slashing benefits in the “entitlement” sector, and while that may sound good, it’s total boshat, and of the highest order. Almost everything the conservative media decries as wasteful “entitlement” spending is…
Netanyahu: Please trust your friendly security agents
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today defended his country’s security agencies against public outcry over the death of a Jewish Israeli, himself a security agent in the Mossad spy agency, who hanged himself in 2010 in a maximum security prison…
Iran Cold War w/ Hello Kitty Heats Up, Doll Beats Ahmedinejad into Space
The bitter, age-old conflict between two great super powers, the government of Iran and the government of cuteness (Hello Kitty), reached its zenith ten days ago as the beloved but brave little doll successfully made its way into the history…
Intelligence Suggests France May Have a Military
Washington DC- Senior pentagon officials have released a statement where they have confirmed the long speculated existence of a French military. “We were just scanning Africa, you know, because we were bored,” says an off the record source. “And because…
FB Profile Describes User As “Objectivist, Muslim”
MILWAUKEE – A Facebook profile has gained considerable attention for its user’s seemingly contrary description of her political and religious views. Amy Milton’s page on the gigantic social networking site lists her political leanings as “Firmly in the Objectivist camp,”…
Were the Pope and His Boss not Getting Along?
According to the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI resigned for health reasons. However, this reporter has learned that there may be more to the story. RIGHT: Pope Benedict XVI tenders his resignation. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)
Sen. Graham Shows Support For Women By Removing Balls
South Carolina senator, and future gay rights activist, Lindsey Graham broke from his conservative party today with the unusual move of replacing the “truck balls” on his SUV with “truck ovaries” to show support for women’s rights. Truck balls as…
Senator Warns of Impending Attack on Family Values
A US Senator is drawing the nation’s attention after publicizing a report suggesting an attack on family values is imminent. Addressing a hastily-organized press conference Friday morning, Senator Tate Williams of Arkansas explained that his staff on the United States…