Category: Biz News
“My Little Pony” Chewy Fruit Snacks Found to Contain Horse Meat
MINNEAPOLIS, MN (GlossyNews) – Shock and horror were rampant in the children’s snack market this morning as the word spread that the popular “My Little Pony” fruit snacks contained elements of actual pony. The discovery was apparently made during an…
Airlines Defend Proposed Airfare Hike for “Taking Off”
NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — TIME magazine’s cover photo this week of an aged man grasping a pair of testicles was incorrectly interpreted as portraying a Vatican official. It was in fact Reuben Kincaid, American Airlines’ spokesman for the bold…
Walmart Pulls “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” Over Missing Drum Stick
TEXARKANA, TX (GlossyNews) — Thousands of angry fans flooded the phone lines and email servers of MTV/Electronic Arts and its retailers with complaints over today’s release of the eagerly anticipated “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” game. The issue stems…
God Rejects Billionaires’ Joint Bid To Buy Earth
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (GlossyNews) — God Almighty, sole owner and creator of the earth, has categorically denied a joint bid by Carlos Slim Helu, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal and other billionaire club members to buy the planet.
U.S. Auctions States to Pay Off Mounting Deficit
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — The national debt in the United States has reached a record $10 trillion, with the deficit continuing to mount as efforts to stimulate the economy out of recession grow. To pay off this enormous amount, the…
Old Man Potter Saves Bedford Falls from Subprime Lender, Bailey
BEDFORD FALLS, IN (GlossyNews) — Five more financial institutions were closed this week by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 140, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. OneWest Bank was the first casualty…
Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage
PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is. The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex…
Dairy Apologizes for “Milf” Misunderstanding
CITY OF INDUSTRY, CA (GlossyNews) — Toward the end of World War II in 1945, the Stueve family of California founded Alta Dena Dairy. Throughout the 1950s, it earned a reputation as one of the most innovative farms with its…
Pot Growers Hire PR Firm to Develop Marijuana Marketing Plan
Los Angeles, CA – “The times, they are a changin’, again,” remarked Henry “Pops” Champion to a group of medical marijuana clinic owners and pot growers who all agree that it is time to finally pull out all the stops…
Any Publicity is Good Publicity, Says Toyota
Brian and company, kindly include all my excerpts since you don’t do captioning and thats one of my strong points.
Thanks to the recall some jackass who didn’t know about us would like test drive us-just for the rush of a sticking brake and gas pedal, coupled clutch at 90mph