Any Publicity is Good Publicity, Says Toyota

Toyota City, Japan – After a well publicized round of recalls brought to light by the media, Toyota Motor Corporation [NYSE: TM] finally decided one good turn deserves another. Barely two weeks after the countless deaths have finally been tallied, the board recommended a fourth round of recalls supposedly to “ride on the crest” of the first three.

“The first ones sure were a success, my fellow corporate warriors,”said Akio Toyoda, adding, “Given my vast experience I should have seen this [success] coming, but I didn’t, and that’s also great for Japanese shareholders — we love surprises.” Mr. Toyoda was seen shaking his head in disbelief after signing the papers authorizing this latest round of recalls.

“It’s so great we made an extra $100-million for stalling these recalls,” said Toyoda, “this is great large success for prominent dragon powerful Godzilla America,” he said, according to his staff interpreter, a slightly drunk portly gentleman from an un-named prefecture presumable within Japan’s boundaries.

This time around Toyota was not going after the Corollas, Avalons, Tundras or other mass-market vehicles, but extended the recall to their crown jewel; the Prius. But Akio stopped short of authorizing recalls on the 2010 Prius instead choosing to “save the best for last or at least some time in the third quarter,” when there might be no aces or ponies left to play.

Motoring commentators and motor sports magazine editors hailed the move as a genius of fiscal strategy and marketing brilliance, which may have since led several other car companies to follow suit.

Honda led the way and almost immediately announced a massive recall of it’s Accord and Civic models. By noon news was that it was expanding the recall to include it’s minivans and SUV’s which clearly shored up the break neck speed at which recall departments of major car manufacturers have to maneuvre just to stay ahead of competition.

“We were informed by our North American people the airbags had problems and we heard a Honda had caught fire in South Africa,” said Takanobu Ito, CEO Honda Motor Corporation.

“Though we admit we tried to find similar cases in Asia and even simulated a crash at our testing grounds in Malaysia, but Chairman [Satoshi] Aoki warned us against pushing our luck,” concluded Ito.

Our Dearborn sources revealed Ford was exploring the possibility of re-enacting its 1994 cruise control recall, 2000 Ford Explorer/Firestone tire blow out recall or it’s 2009 fire recall in manner of relevance and present day news worthiness but conceded it was hard not to be seen as copying the Japanese.

“We have to be original, think out of the box, be different — do exactly the opposite” said Alan R. Mulally CEO Ford.

Thereby the decision was reached to mudsling Toyota and trumpet it as a fraud all along-subtly. Nevetherless Mulally ordered a review of the anticipated 2010 recall list just to make sure “it wasn’t as serious as Toyotas”.

Experts believed this ‘different approach’ tactic would hurt sales.

“Even though, as of January, Ford led Toyota in the American market, some recall publicity could have helped to nudge sales a little higher thus ensuring they stayed leaders just a little bit longer,” noted Crundale Banler a car industry enthusiast.

General Motors had no comment or plan of action yet, as of press time, as it quietly reveled in its God sent double digit gains hoping to benefit further from the next round of federal funding of what has come to be known as the ‘cash-for-Corollas’ program.

Akio apologised for the inconveniences caused to it’s customers but assured them of better sales and much renewed strength of this global brand.

“We will come out of this smelling like hydraulic fluid.”

“And if I may paraphrase Britney Spears, there is nothing like bad publicity my friend,” said Akio clenching his fist, jabbing the air as he stood from his desk to move away from the web cam.

“After all, it only takes thirty minutes to fix a sticking brake/accelerator/clutch pedal and all those beauties in pedal pushers who freaked in their Camrys will feel safe behind the wheel again,” concluded Akio trashing the subpoena hanging over his head.

Author: MRJ

Mahmud R. Joel loves to play with stereotypes but frankly is too lazy to work, too nervous to steal and too proud to beg, but we 'does' guarantee news satire in real time-that's how we kill time. And FYI, just like the "S" in Harry S. Truman, the "R" stands for nothing really. Not giving much here. For more check us out at newsync.blogspot.com - the first African news satire and humour blog with a global perspective.

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