Category: Biz News
Man Loses Job for Confusing ASS with ELBO
Local man Dean Davis was dismissed from his position of press officer at Drudge Corp yesterday for mixing up his company acronyms. Davis explained that in the middle of an important business meeting he congratulated a senior colleague on having…
Cairo Chaos Bad for Business
Egypt has long been considered the least interesting of Middle East nations. Although respected as the originator of massively silly public works projects, its modern political system has been as constant as the Sphinx. All that changed this week as…
China is Eating Our Lunch – And It’s Dim-Sum, Dim Bulb
The relief guard approached the other guard as he was on his watch. As usual Cecil’s mind was fixed on some inner scene; his eyes half closed and blank, his face dumb and peaceful like a cow in a field…
Google Buys Wikileaks for an Undisclosed $30 Billion USD
Mountain View, CA- GlossyNews.com In what is likely the fastest negotiated buyout in history, mega-corporation Google will purchase the redheaded stepchild of the information age, Wikileaks.org, from founder J. Paul Assange for a staggering, undisclosed sum of $30 billion USD….
Chinese Ports Await Massive Christmas Cash Delivery
The Chinese ports of Shanghai and Shenzhen are preparing to unload dozens of giant freighters. The ships are filled to the brim with cash made from selling Americans millions of tons of cheap junk over the Christmas holidays. Fueled by…
Post Office Devises Uniquely Dastardly Ways to “Reduce” Staff
Post Offices across the U.S., faced with the necessity of laying off 40,000 employees, have come up with unique methods of accomplishing this goal. The administrators at the main distribution center in Denver, Colorado have set up a scam where…
Walmart Buys Exclusive Rights to Christmas, Axes Controversial “Jesus”
In a sweeping move today Walmart has bought the entire rights to Christmas and all its accessories. The move is designed to give Walmart control over the popular holiday and to help shore up the retail giant as being the…
Marvel Superheroes Humiliated By Disney Domination
Since it bought out the new, hot running Marvel Comic Movie Studio responsible for such blockbuster hits as Spider-Man, Iron Man and the X Men series, Disney Corporation has begun to institute major changes into the Marvel superheroes to bring…
The Term ‘CEO’ Now Has So Many Different Meanings
At one time in our no-so-distant past the term ‘CEO’, meaning ‘Chief Executive Officer’, was invented to replace the perfectly good word ‘President’ as the title for the person heading up a company or corporation. For some reason, some bureaucratic…
Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage
Preliminary reports say this year’s Project ISFC exceeded all expectations. Project I’m So Freaking Compassionate, begun several years ago in Southern California, has now expanded to most of the United States. This year, Thanksgiving meals were served cafeteria fashion to…