Local man Dean Davis was dismissed from his position of press officer at Drudge Corp yesterday for mixing up his company acronyms. Davis explained that in the middle of an important business meeting he congratulated a senior colleague on having “an excellent A.S.S. (Advanced Security System),” when he should have said “excellent E.L.B.O. (Executive Level Business Opportunity).”
“I feel so stupid,” a bitterly disappointed Davis confided. “It’s such a basic error. Someone in my position should really have all these acronyms down pat. I’m kicking myself. How could I not know my A.S.S. from my E.L.B.O.?”
A Drudge Corp spokesman conceded that dismissal for this offense may appear harsh but claimed that this is not the first acronym mix-up that Davis has been involved in. “We have given [Davis] numerous second chances in the past. When he slipped up at a press conference recently and talked about his CoK (Center of Knowledge) instead of his BaLLS (Business and Legal Learning Service) we let it slide. But this latest error was the last straw.”
Davis admitted that his inability to remember the correct acronym had been a real problem for him throughout his short Drudge Corp career. “I have to say that I do have difficulty remembering all these abbreviations. It doesn’t look professional when I get them wrong and there was an occasion where I referred to my colleague as a M.I.L.F. (Market Intelligence Liaison Facilitator) in the middle of a client meeting. That was pretty embarrassing I can tell you! What I meant to say, of course, was that she was a S.L.U.T. (Senior Library Utility Technician).”
Standing up for Davis, however, was acronym opponent Melvin Pedersen. “It’s a disgrace that someone should lose their job for accidently misusing one of these infuriating abbreviations,” declared Pedersen. “I represent a national, and indeed global, body set-up to fight against the widespread use of these lazy corporate terms.
We are called the Worldwide and National Campaign against Acronyms and we say that corporate jargon like that used in this case is confusing, elitist and often downright filthy sounding,” an irate Pedersen continued. He then offered Davis the support of his organization. “Rest assured, my friend, W.A.N.C.A.A.’s right behind you and will be helping you all the way!”