Category: Biz News
NRA Takes Battle to New Level; Buys Death Star
The NRA has upped its political game with the acquisition of the Death Star made famous from the Star Wars movie franchise. Thought to have been totally destroyed following a second massive attack by impudent rebel forces in the third…
Monsanto seeks patent on child
Biotechnology giant Monsanto Corporation announced today that it is seeking a patent on one of its research employee’s children. “If the patent is granted,” said Monsanto attorney Seth “Kendall” Waxman”, “this organism cannot be used for further reproduction without Monsanto…
Road to Success Closed for Construction
Due to further initiatives from the office of Mayor Ballard, the road to success – an interstate linking life’s frustrating years with one’s potentially comfortable adult years – has closed to make way for more construction. The road, which is…
SodaStream’s Commitment to Green Love and Freedom
SodaStream CEO Daniel Burnbomb has taken his company from a modest novelty manufacturer to an international sensation that is selling millions of home carbonation machines world wide and will have a half million-dollar advert during the most watched event in…
We Need More Debt, Please
My cousin Penin Diaz, a used car salesman, claims to have found the solution to stimulating the economy, ending the home foreclosure crisis and reducing unemployment (or at least the loss of income due to unemployment). I unfortunately owe him…
Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene
INDIANAPOLIS – A report released Friday has found that someone, somewhere is actively taking steps to realize a lifelong dream of becoming a dental hygienist. General Dentist No, this isn’t the name of an old WWII general who served in…
“Gun Bubble Imminent” Claims Financial Wizard
E. Edmund Worthington, a foremost prognosticator in the world of weapons pricing, is warning potential gun buyers to save their cash and quit buying guns. “The prices are way too high now folks,” said Worthington in a voice resembling a…
Answer to Gun Control Problem; Americans Now Buying Chinese Guns
Out of the most unseemly of circumstances a solution has come to solve the problems of American gun control, the overbearing political adventures of the NRA and the high cost of ammunition and firearms in America. Red China has introduced…
Hipster Insists “All Clothes Are Reversible”
Baron Davuson, a 30-something living in Seattle, knows HTML, database management craft beer brewing and how to dress like a wealthy hobo. Davuson made a splash this week with his bold pronouncement, that any clothing can be made hip simply…
Indianapolis Convention & Visitors Association Video Ties Indianapolis Colts
A music video that was produced by the Indianapolis Convention and Visitors Association, lost on Tuesday, November 29, officially tying the Indianapolis Colts’ current season record of no wins, all losses. The video, entitled “Indy Super Bowl Shuffle,” parodies a…