Category: Human Interest
Michelle Obama Taps Barbie Doll for Anti-Obesity Campaign
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Barbie doll turned fifty-one recently, and First Lady Michelle Obama noted the occasion by announcing that Barbie would serve as the official spokesperson for the White House’s anti-childhood-obesity campaign. “If America’s young people looked more like…
College Freshman and Brewing Company Discover Social Anxiety Disorder Cure
LOS ANGELES, CA — Martin Freneticksburg, a college freshman, found himself diagnosed with social anxiety disorder last September after he pledged to a fraternity only to crumble under the ridicule and embarrassment of the customary hazing. Martin is not alone….
Viagra Vision Loss Blamed in Senior Citizen Fire
EXTON, PA – A seventy-two-year-old man set fire to his apartment in the Sunrise Acres retirement facility last night after he had tried to light a candle but ignited the drapes instead. Gerald DeHaven told police he had taken Viagra…
SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh
CAMDEN, N.J. – Donald Goerke, the man who put the “Oh” in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three. Mr. Goerke joined the Campbell organization in 1955…
Singles Kicked Off BeautifulPeople.com Launch PrettyFaces.com
BOSTON, Mass. – Singles who were kicked off the elite dating site BeautifulPeople.com, the self-proclaimed “sexiest website in the world,” are not taking their dismissal lying down. Many of the 5,000 people who were ruled off the site for porking…
Oh Brother, Can You Spare Your Wife?
It is reported that a man in Germany did more than borrow a cup of sugar when he asked his neighbor to impregnate his wife for $2,500. Demetrius Soupolos was sterile and unable to have children with his former beauty-queen…
2009 So Not-Father of the Year Award Nominations Announced
The year 2009 saw a plethora of bad daddy behavior around the country and we, at Glossy News, thought we’d take the low road and list some of our favorites. Although we are using a numbering system to count the…
Boehner and Bobdole Reveal 13-year Marriage
Washington DC —EBBQ Today the offices of John Boehner (Bay-ner) (R–OH) revealed that Senator Boehner and former Senator Bobdole (R–KS ret.) have maintained a secret same-sex marriage for the past 13 years. “In fact,” a Bobdole spokesperson said, “Bobdole did…
Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban
The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie…
Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials
In the heart of the coolest part of Missoula, Montana, and I assure you such a place can and does exist, is a playground park like no other I’ve ever seen. When I say it’s the tallest playground ever, I…