Category: Health
New Malpractice Defense Tactic: Doctors Told to Fess Up
Washington, D.C. – On the advice of their attorneys and malpractice insurance company executives, doctors are now stepping forward and admitting their mistakes, hoping that a sincere apology and a couple of bucks will make multi-million dollar malpractice and wrongful…
Human Guinea Pig Mutations Blamed on Sunny D’
A final sanitised report into a clinical trial of the experimental drug TGN 1412 at a Little Hampton clinic that left six men seriously mutated in March found the catastrophic adverse physical reactions they suffered were not due to errors…
Genetic Engineering Goes Bananas, Boosts Chimp IQ’s
UK police and Interpol are hot on the trail of a troop of thirty-plus chimpanzees that escaped from their enclosure at Chester Zoo in Cheshire this weekend, forcing visitors to flee in terror.
Sneezy Pig Flu Panic Call Centres Close
The UK’s legion of Oinkyitis H1N1 pig flu emergency call centres are to close just weeks after opening because staff have been spending most of their time playing cards and board games and generally sitting around scratching their arses –…
NHS Euthanasia Policy a Real Killer
As New Labour’s plan to slash the National Health Service workforce by 10% – from doctors to drudges – encounters caustic criticism, the Department of Ill-Health mandarins switch tracks and are now ordering nursing staff to cut all palliative care…
Zagat: Prison Grub Beats Hospital Food
Researchers from the government’s Institute for Wasting Time & Money have recently decided that the food provided in HM Prisons is better than in NHS hospitals – which ultimately may support the pointless argument that people live longer in prisons…
Fat Camp for Porky Kids Opens to Poor Food Reviews
Reporters from the Daily Shitraker have uncovered a secret plan formulated by Sir Erwin Bogbrush – New Labour’s Minister for Orwellian Studies – to send overweight children on a draconian NHS enforced slimming regime.
NHS E-Mail Reply Three Years Late
The National Health Service has apologised after writing to a man to address various concerns over his hospital medical treatment – three-and-half years after he kicked the bucket and went aloft to join the Choir Invisible.
Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism
Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of…
Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors
Stung by reports that the elderly are turning against his health care reform proposal, President Barack Obama is prepared to offer seniors a series of incentives to get them back on board.