Category: Science & Technologizzy
Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’
Chicago, IL – For the third time in as many days, Chicago Police Department forensic analyst Ted Hatcher confessed to being unable to magically extract high definition pictures from damaged, out-of-focus, and low resolution images. Hatcher’s failure was met with disbelief and…
Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms
Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing…
Is the iPad Right-Sizing Technology (Again)?
Utah, Behind the Zion Curtain (GlossyNews) — The iPad sucks. Whew, there, I said it, let the games begin. The iPad – single tasking handheld tablet computer that has the ability to enter local area networks and the internet, along…
TV Psychics Haunted by Ghostless House
Greenville, SC (GlossyNews) — The parapsychology community was confronted this week by an event some termed frightening. Fans of A&E’s popular “Paranormal Squad” were shocked this week when series regulars Kate, Bob and Xi Liang came a cropper in a…
One Dead After Conflicting iPhone Apps Simultaneously Open
Des Plains, IL (GlossyNews) — A Park Ridge, IL wedding party turned to disaster when an iPhone user died and three more suffered minor burns after the man inadvertently opened a volatile combination of iPhone apps. Ray Lipton, 35, of…
Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him
Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to…
Economy Forces Downsizing of Solar System
The mood was somber at Oxford’s esteemed Council on Planetary Stuff this week as yet another solar system down-sizing was announced. CPS Director Percy Hyde-Warf opened the press conference with a display of his famed wit. “I know you reporter…
YouTube Goes Down — Bored Millions Panic
SAN BRUNO, CA (GlossyNews) — YouTube, the popular video networking site, was unavailable today due to technical difficulties. The site, which attracts millions of users from across the globe, was down for one hour while technicians attempted to rectify the…
Foursquare Survivor Badge Accidentally Awarded to Hundreds of ‘Unworthies’
AUSTIN, TX (GlossyNews) — Around 12:40 p.m. EST on March 22, the coveted Foursquare Survivor badge was awarded to hundreds of people simultaneously. Event organizers attributed the mass distribution to a glitch. Traditionally, the Foursquare staff have been very secretive…
Apple Releases “Is It Raining?” App
CUPERTINO, CA (GlossyNews) — Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc., proudly took the podium yesterday at the company’s headquarters for a surprise product announcement. “The wait is over;” proclaimed Jobs, “I proudly give you the ‘Is It Raining?’…