IMPORTANT PUBLIC ACCOUNTABILITY NOTICE
Do you know someone who isn’t getting enough sex?
Are your neighbors staying up all night talking, instead of getting down and dirty?
Is your flatmate’s dog more likely to bark at the rattle of a late night cuppa, than the anguished screams of the rattling bedposts?
Are your cousins prepared to relinquish their duties of sexual audacity, and stick with a plain man or woman until death do they part?
Have your parents just finally lost interest in it all, at last?
Have your teenage children developed an unhealthy and perverse obsession with train sets, anime movies or stand-up comedy?
Do your nearest of kin prefer missionary position to doggy style?
Report them to us in “full confidence.”
No sex means no pleasure.
No pleasure means no freedom.
No freedom means an end to this glorious civilization of ours!
The future of your nation and species depends upon it!