Tila Tequila Shuts Down Her Twitter Account

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that “Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, greeks, and fat people that I have ever seen! Twitter is bad. My true fans know where to find me.” Read more Tila Tequila Shuts Down Her Twitter Account

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book

Senator John McCain’s fierce stance against repealing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has brought about speculation of his hatred for homosexuals. While McCain cites the hardships that military members face in Iraq and Afghanistan, many others are accusing the senator of attempting to bury his own skeletons. Read more Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book

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Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

A former Fox News employee is threatening to file a lawsuit in New York District Court against News Corp, the parent company of Fox News Channel, and Fox News President, Roger Ailes, claiming that she was wrongfully terminated when she told the HR manager that she could no longer work closely with Mr. Ailes due to his “inability to control his intestinal disruptions regularly throughout the day.” In other words, his farts stank to high heavens. Additional claims of unsafe working conditions and exposure to an environmental hazard in the workplace are also being leveled against the company. Read more Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

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Kate Gosselin on TLC: Taming of the Shrewd

The long-awaited news has finally arrived. TLC has just announced the name and format for Kate’s solo show, sans Jon and Kids. The show is tentatively named Kate: TheTaming of the Shrewd, and it features Kate each week being employed by B- through D-rated reality stars, who give Kate some much needed lessons in humility by assigning her various odd jobs to perform. Read more Kate Gosselin on TLC: Taming of the Shrewd

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MTV Snared in Illegal Promotion Pact with Perez Hilton

If you’d looked at this a year ago, you’d have found that Perez Hilton was either a no-talent ass-clown or one of the biggest trend-setter bloggers in the western world. But if you look at him today you’ll find he’s made some sinister pact with Viacom, and he’s paying it backwards, as he’s wont to do. Read more MTV Snared in Illegal Promotion Pact with Perez Hilton

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Salinger Grocery Lists to be Published

The literary world was shocked this week by news of J.D. Salinger’s death. Author of the iconic coming of age tale Catcher in the Rye, Salinger died at his New Hampshire home, aged 91. The non-literary world was shocked that he was so old.

The beloved writer was also famous for decades of reclusiveness and for his refusal to have any works published for the last forty-five years. So mourning has mingled with excitement, amid speculation new Salinger works might soon be available in print. Read more Salinger Grocery Lists to be Published

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Wikipedia Reporting that J.D. Salinger Faked His Death

Iconic author J.D. Salinger is alive and well and resting comfortably on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, according to an Associated Content report. Mr. Salinger, 91, is thought to have returned to his first love, the sea, because he increasingly felt that “a land-based existence was an invasion of his privacy.” Read more Wikipedia Reporting that J.D. Salinger Faked His Death

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Saddam TV Debuts In Iraq to Wild Ululation

A mysterious pirate television channel, calling itself Saddam TV, has begun broadcasting in Iraq. No one knows the source of the broadcast, but American Super Freedom Friend Forces insist it’s surely the work of members of Saddam’s devoted Baath Party. Apparently the programming started exactly three years to the day after Saddam’s execution. Read more Saddam TV Debuts In Iraq to Wild Ululation

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Supreme Court Ruling Says Bailout Money Can Buy Political Ads

The major television stations, i.e. Fox, CBS, NBC and ABC have all announced plans to drastically cut regular programming beginning in July of this year in order to make room for the onslaught of corporate-backed political advertising set to gain full steam around that time. The networks are reportedly taking early bids for prime-time air time from such corporations as AT&T, BlueCross/Blue Shield, Pfizer, Bank of America, AIG, and others in order to accommodate corporate America’s plans to take advantage of the recent Supreme Court ruling allowing them to spend unfettered amounts of advertising dollars, Read more Supreme Court Ruling Says Bailout Money Can Buy Political Ads

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Kate Gosselin Pissed Over Having to Take Anger Management Classes

Sources close to Kate Gosselin have indicated that in addition to getting another ultra expensive new hairdo to up her chances of finding a new daddy for her kids, the newly divorced Ms. Gosselin is also being told by her manager to find time to attend some much needed anger management classes. “We decided that on a go-forward basis, we really need to work on Kate’s anger issues if she is going to be successful in future television endeavors, i.e. continuing to make both of us lots of money,” he said with a smile. Read more Kate Gosselin Pissed Over Having to Take Anger Management Classes

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Quotes from Game Change No One is Talking About

A thoroughly entertaining book, The Game Change, has brought to light some “wish we hadn’t said that” moments from almost everyone associated with the 2008 Presidential campaign scene. So I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy to see for myself what all the hubbub was about, especially when I heard that Harry Reid, the gosh-darn nicest, I-don’t-have-a-racist-bone-in-my-body kinda guy is credited with the now infamous line spoken when he was trying to make the case that the country was ready for a black presidential candidate…and referred to Obama as a “light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” Read more Quotes from Game Change No One is Talking About

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Four Reasons You’d Be Crazy Not to Go See Avatar

I’m not on the take or anything, I’m just a big fan of this unique film, and one who loves it quite a lot.

1 – Because, Statistically, You Haven’t Seen It Yet
Even though it’s breaking records left and right, only 70 million tickets have been sold worldwide. That’s barely 1/10th of a percent of all people. I know most people in my group of friends and family (you know, my calling circle) haven’t taken the time. It’s going to be in theaters for a while, but’s already been almost five-weeks, so if not now, then when? Read more Four Reasons You’d Be Crazy Not to Go See Avatar

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Network Respectfully Declines George Clooney Telethon Offer

The tragic earthquake in Haiti not only shook Port-au-Prince, but also shook Hollywood this week. George Clooney’s star studded Hope for Haiti telethon is geared to simulcast across multiple major networks this Friday. The telethon is expected to generate millions of dollars to benefit those stranded without food and shelter, however one major network has pulled out of the airing entirely. Read more Network Respectfully Declines George Clooney Telethon Offer

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Miley Cyrus Racing to Ditch Hannah Montana Franchise Pre-Scandal

All over the world, teens and tweens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show.

According to a spokesperson for Disney Channel Worldwide, “The last episode will be bittersweet as we say good-bye to our little Miss Montana.” Read more Miley Cyrus Racing to Ditch Hannah Montana Franchise Pre-Scandal

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Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News

A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then been transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their listeners. The initiation of the epidemic seems to have started with Sean Hannity who, in the middle of his show, started foaming at the mouth.

“This was nothing unusual with him.” stated Red Bigneck. Read more Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News

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Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while sitting through some of the worst singing of his life. He also asked for specially designed ear wires that work to take away distracting background noise so that he could focus on the task at hand. Read more Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

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Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American

This article was written and published as a satire on the fiscal state of wasteful celebrities, specifically Nicolas Cage, who has earned vast fortunes but still went broke. We learned that some have taken this farce as fact, but wish to set the record straight. This story IN NO WAY reflects upon Mr. Morrison and he has NOT filed for bankruptcy. He was simply chosen because his music has remained timelessly brilliant throughout the decades.

DUBLIN – Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for bankruptcy in Irish Bankruptcy Court, according to a notice published on his official website today. The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he has debts of 652 million € and assets of only 40 million € yet he stopped short of accepting responsibility for his financial meltdown. Read more Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American

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