NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

Andromeda President: I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!!

Earth’s illegitimate international community must be held accountable to the cosmic community.

Does raw star plasma cure cancer of the hippabeeyowodippypipywopbopbop???

Stop ingesting dark matter, it causes gibbagibagibbaipbampeep of the domdomkop!!!

Are foreign spongers from Mercury stealing our sulphur?

Too many of our kids are learning useless soft subjects like astral engineering, black hole management, and anti-supernova protection.

Our once-thriving time travel industry is being ruined by pointless, bureaucratic health and safety diktats.

Health wormhole tourists are bankrupting Jupiter.

President of Uranus warns: Alpha Centauri dictator can launch hostile probe in just one million years!!!

Original version:

http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=91214

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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