But yes, HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD…
Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.
In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.
But it’s still a biggie.
Well, from a particular point of view, I guess.
Mitt Romney always like to clarify his positions, and ensure no-one interprets his views in a one-sided, dogmatic manner.
So, fair’s fair.
(Or is it?)
Either way, here’s what he has to say next.
Um, anyhoo, the best way to avoid the unfortunate and often undeserved stigma of being a “hostile takeover” merchant is to generally avoid hostility.
So if you are conducting a hostile takeover, make sure it’s not “really” a hostile takeover at all.
In fact, the stupid liberal media are unfairly and one-sidedly misrepresenting your beneficial efforts to increase the cash flow within a certain narrowly circumscribed (but not too narrowly circumscribed!) field of action.
So, whenever you pull up your car (try a less flashy or ostentatious one. Like, say, your fifteenth Mercedes Benz, or even a middle-grade limited edition Rolls Royce, at a push!)…
Yes, whenever you drive up to the jealous younger son or thwarted mistress of the company boss (make sure they own at least 40% shares and can offer you a reasonable quid pro quo for your
tiresometireless and disinterested efforts, of course)…
Well, whenever you approach them, don’t just bring your connoisseur’s classic semi-automatic rifle and scream:
Show me the goddamn money, you corrupt rival-corporation-owning bastards!
That’s not very pragmatically expedient. Instead, just offer them a nice cup of camomile tea, sit them down, bring some cookies…
Or even “biscuits” for extra genteel effect.
Or better still, flip-flops aside, some “beeskwee,” for added slick coastal sophistication, if they are actually slick coastal Demo-cronyist types.
And speak to them, warmly and invitingly, gently murmuring:
Look, my dear friend, I promise, hand on heart, I’m really NOT trying to sneak in and destroy my vicious, cruelly corrupt business competitors from the outside…
(I mean, all those for whom my darkened heart cherishes a burning, undying commercial hatred and competitive resentment)…
No, I just want a purely value-free and neutral objective exchange of purely-material-and-non-ethically-charged physical resources.
So if you do this, and you are still accused of a “hostile takeover,’ then at least you will have the warm consolation of knowing that the evil liberal media are twisting your words, yet again.
Purely because you are an actual, genuine, honest to God wealth creator and they’re not, and never will be!
Because, like Satan, they can only twist and manipulate and play with words, but they can’t actually do or create anything of value at all.
Well, I thought this was a generally plausible and convincing book.
That is to say, it was very much in keeping with what I expected Romney to write.
But on the other hand, Donald Trump was horrified at Romney’s apparent sophistry.
What in the hell does he mean? ‘Personal reputation’ versus ‘business reputation?’ You mean, like there’s actually a difference?!
And Mike Huckabee, normally so easy to please, was not one bit impressed with this classic work of speculatively pious spiritual devotion.
Oh, come on! Would you trust this guy?
I mean, doesn’t Mitt Romney actually believe corporations are people?
Yes. Apparently he does.
Sorry. Not my problem!