Category: Entertainment
The Illuminati Responds to Shooting by Rap Artist During Pledge Week
A Richmond Virginia man is being held without bail after his marijuana fueled attempt to sacrifice his friend in order to join the Illuminati. The man, an aspiring rap artist believed that by killing his friend he could join the…
‘Book Better Than Film’ Says Guy Who Wants You to Know He Reads Books
MUNCIE – In a disguised attempt to let you know that he is exceptionally well-read, an acquaintance today informed you that the latest Hollywood blockbuster you are planning to view this weekend is no way near as good as the…
Reddit to Open Real World Chat-Houses (x-post from reality)
Infamous web community Reddit is taking a big step. They’re going “meat space” and opening of real world “chat houses” in the US this fall, and they’re hoping it will bring all the same successes. Jaskon Rosrath, the new VP…
Elvis Impersonator ‘Sounds Uncannily Like Elvis Impersonator’
BLOOMINGTON – Friends and colleagues of Elvis impersonator Arnold Mason agree that the 47-year-old sounds and looks uncannily like hundreds of other Elvis impersonators. A resident of Bloomington, IN, Mr Mason has performed Elvis hits up and down Indiana for…
Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism
Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist. I searched almost every country in the world and what…
Stage Actor Arrested After Knocking Dead 47 Audience Members
INDIANAPOLIS – Police arrested a 35-year-old man last night after eye-witnesses reported him knocking dead the 47 theatre goers who came to see his portrayal of Iago in a community theatre production of Shakespeare’s Othello. Brian Mathis, a longtime member…
Justin Bieber Dead, Reports Twitter User JoshuaDJ22
NEW YORK, NY – Canadian pop-star and school kid Justin Bieber was tragically killed today when a truck driver accidentally ran over the star in downtown New York, reports bored Twitter user @JoshuaDJ22. In a 120-character post, @JoshuaDJ22 announced that…
Satire Writer Bittered by Real Life
A SATIRE writer has become jaded after working on a ‘real’ newspaper. The satire writer, who can not be named because I don’t want to, has revealed to Glossy News that she, erm… that she, or he, has found it…
First Lady Michelle Obama – Coming soon to an Applebee’s near you
In case you’re just now emerging from a three-month coma or don’t have a television, you may have missed that Michelle Obama seems to be everywhere lately. Ever since she unveiled her brand new, trend-setting bangs in January, you almost…
Wanted to Know How to Woo My Lady. Book Learnin’ Did Me Right
As long-time readers of Glossy News know, I’m a man of exquisite passion. So when I wanted to ratchet up the loving, I did what any man would do. I sipped some whiskey, yelled at my kids, and turned to…