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Fake Memes for Fake People: (2/3)

WTF? Did Orwell actually say this?

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Citrus surprise looking a little bitter

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Fake tan, fake opinions, fake Trump card

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Fake-o liberals and conservatives in Germany think book burning is more effective than winning the argument against fascism

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Fake Memes for Fake People: (1/3)

Whatever happens, Ensuite Johnny gonna Ensuite! Lookin’ pretty chill there, bro!

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Dave on his best behaviour for the New Year? Pigs will fly! 😉

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There are those who demonize and stereotype autistic folks. But then, there are also those self-diagnosed autistic justice warriors who try to gild us.

Hardly much of an improvement, is it?

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STOP HATE SPEECH AGAINST CORPORATIONS

THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO, AND THEY HAVE FEELINGS!

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Psst! Two more instalments coming up tomorrow!
If you have some memes you made and want to share with us, email wallacerunnymede@gmail.com.
We’ll make sure to put ’em up there!
Wallace

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News is Losing Credibility

Real Fake News (RFN) is the only non-partisan news source left. And its integrity is under sustained attack by the peddlers of illegitimate fake news. It’s being stomped on by those charlatans who declare themselves honest, rational and accurate.

Abdul O’Shaunessy, one of the best known Real Fake News writers working today, emphasized this point by adding, “Those partisan pricks are taking over.”

Abdul is right. The purveyors of illegitimate fake news have cleanly divided into two partisan camps. And each of those camps declare themselves to be the paragon of honesty.

We writers of the RFN say right up front we’re gonna lie like hell and then present our lies honestly in a straightforward manner.

So, who are you going to trust? Those people who tell you what you are about to read is total bullshit or those who swear what they are telling you is the absolute truth?

It’s getting tougher and tougher to compete when we are all telling the same lies about the same people. Those partisan pricks are encroaching into our territory without shame and without mercy.

Let’s take a recent example of an incident that occurred during the presidential inauguration. Specifically, the moment when Mrs. Trump gave Mrs. Obama the traditional gift marking the transition of administrations.

Anti-Trumpers called Melania “A haughty Empress who considers the Obamas lowbrow and quite bourgeois. She showed her disdain by off-handedly tossing her box on the table and moving away from the rabble as fast as she could.”

The Pro-Trumpers referred to the event as “A gracious gesture on the part of Mrs. Trump to show her appreciation of how Mrs. Obama has conducted herself as the FLOTUS.” They called it “typical” when Mrs. Obama showed no appreciation whatsoever.

Mr. O’Shaunessy said the look on Michele’s face betrayed her aching desire to get her hands on Melania’s box. And ever since seeing Melania’s girl on girl spread in the fashion magazine article, she could think of little else.

Now all three are bullshit but the readers of the illegitimate fake news swallowed their preferred versions whole and are happy to repeat it to anyone who thinks just like they do.

But us RFN readers are much more sophisticated.

We understand how things really work.

We are perceptive, sharp and quite clever. We are truly the only intelligent consumers of information left.

Abdul O’Shaunessy had some chilling remarks about the future of Real Fake News.

“They’re filching our stuff. And some brilliant RFN writers, good friends of mine, have been coaxed over to their side. We are starting to lose our best and brightest.”

Please, don’t let our lies continue to lose their credibility.

Get up and call hooey on all of it.

Standup tall for sincere and heartfelt bullshit.

At this critical point, I can do little more than salute your dedication to honesty.

I’m sure Adbul will agree with me when I say that Real Fake News certainly attracts a better class of people.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Television2 Comments

Louis Armstrong & the What-About-Bop

Louis Armstrong & the What-About-Bop

My favorite Louis Armstrong song has to be ‘The What-About-Bop!’

What about, oh yeah, what about!
Everybody love dem what about!

The neocons love it, the Islamists love it!
Everyboy lovin’ dem what about!

Hey baby, hey baby what you whataboutin’ ’bout, girl?
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

GOP God Squad love it,
Democrat Blame Squad love it,
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

Got any more verses? Got friends and family who are not easily offended? Add them to the comments below, and the editorial staff will publish them!

Alternatively, send your funny stuff to Brian & Wallace @ Glossy News:

glossynews@gmail.com
wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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Posted in Music, Politics0 Comments

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse.

At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that our plane of existence is only one of an infinite number of universes with distinct histories, thereby putting an end to decades of debate in the scientific community.

When pressed about the connection between Trump and the multiverse, Suarez stated that the U.S. presidential election results struck the scientific community as such an astronomically improbable event that they inspired some of the world’s leading mathematicians and physicists to calculate their likelihood.

Given Trump’s flagrant contempt for women, blacks, Hispanics, the LGBTQ community, Muslims, immigrants, disabled persons, war heroes, and basic human decency, the scientists discovered that the odds of his election were so prodigiously minute that they proved we reside in the only universe in the infinite multiverse where this could have possibly taken place.

Suarez stated that, “When scientists previously theorized about the multiverse, they postulated that anything that could possibly happen actually did, only in an alternate timeline. In other words, there’s a universe where Germany won the Second World War, another where Kim Kardashian is Pope, and a third where people eat nothing but asparagus. In some universes, humans have arms growing out of their foreheads or tank treads instead of feet. Literally every possible scenario exists in a reality separate from our own. It therefore struck us that, somewhere in some other universes, scientists were discussing the preposterous assertion that the United States would elect Donald Trump president. It turns out we were right. And they laughed at us.”

When pressed about who exactly “laughed at us,” Suarez replied with, “We built a machine to communicate with the other universes, and most of them laughed at us. We also received quite a few condolences. Pope Kim the First wrote us a very heartfelt epistle. The asparagus universe’s scientists are working on a device to ship us a bouquet of conciliatory… well… asparagus. We tried to dissuade them, but they insisted.”

Apparently, several universes remarked on our terrible situation, including one where people eat their own feces for breakfast, another where giant praying mantises evolved to become our autocratic masters, and a third where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse hold sway over a shattered hellscape. They all thanked their respective gods/demons/insect overlords that they did not reside in our reality.

Asked if any universes expressed joy at Trump’s election, Suarez paused and responded “Well, the universe where Donald Trump is Emperor of the Moon thought it was pretty great.”

Suarez concluded her briefing by addressing how the scientific community planned to utilize this amazing discovery. “We’re working on a machine to transport us into literally any other universe. I personally want to get the hell out of here, and I’m sure many of you feel the same.”

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Science2 Comments

How Bridges Are Really Made

How Bridges Are Really Made

Bridges

Bridges span everything from troubled waters to Terabithia, and are a major important, but how they really made?

WHERE DO BRIDGE?
First, political leaders identify a place where bridges done need to be made.
They do this by looking where folks go and how much water or revines there do is.
From there, they identify the shortest point from A to B where they should bridge. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Top Stories0 Comments

Epic Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family

Epic Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family

Kanye West has once again surprised his fans and critics alike by announcing plans to collaborate with the infamous serial killer Charles Manson on an upcoming album.

Turbo Grafx 16 promises to be the most edgy and non-conformist albums yet from one of the most creative and innovative stars of rap.

Yet sadly, contrary to persistent rumours in recent times, Kanye West is not collaborating with fellow artistic geniuses Vanilla Ice and Justin Bieber.

So, it really is just Kanye ‘n’ Charles this time! Or as Kanye himself calls him: Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Music3 Comments

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues. But Will You One Day Make It?

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues. But Will You One Day Make It?

Regular readers will be aware that we recently launched the Glossy News Classics series.

Choice cuts and prime pickings from the vast, VAST back catalog of the second longest-running fake news humor site! Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (3/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (3/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715963479623147520 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (2/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (2/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715960731255091201 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (1/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (1/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715959324208676864 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Edgy Memes: Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump

Edgy Memes: Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump

Mainstream hipster-baiting dad rock legend Peter Gabriel has recently let his resentment, bitterness, and sense of working class hero white disenfranchisement get the better of him. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

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