Archive | Internets Tubes

Don’t Ever Ever Use GoDaddy… They Do Some good, But Mostly Fraud?

Don’t Ever Ever Use GoDaddy… They Do Some good, But Mostly Fraud?

Ages ago I helped a friend make a website. Today I got a renewal notification. Apparently I’ve been paying for his site for years without noticing it. I called to shut it down, and they told me tough luck. Nope, I’m required to keep paying for it just because.

Just to be clear, GoDaddy is a fraud organization on par with AT&T or AOL back in the day, where they’d make it impossible for you to stop getting billed. Same thing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes, Technology0 Comments

Glossy News Emailing List

Glossy News Emailing List

We’re currently compiling a mailing list for Glossy News. This is ‘opt-in’ only, rather than ‘opt out,’ because this way is more ethical.

Whether or not you’ve had any dealings with us in the past, if you’d like to be added, please send an email to wallacerunnymede@gmail.com.

Or if you’re really pushed for time, just send a blank email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

We hope you will all enjoy following us! Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Top Stories0 Comments

Here Come the Trots: The Best Trotskyite Chat-Up Lines for Discerning Middle-Class Bachelors

Here Come the Trots: The Best Trotskyite Chat-Up Lines for Discerning Middle-Class Bachelors

Everybody loves a good Trot.

These lovers have got it all:

Sobriety, solemnity, petit-bourgeois decency, and best of all…

An utter crapload of unrelieved sexual frustration!

I coulda said ‘planet-sized intellect’ too, but…

Nah!

Have a go with these and see how much progress you actually make…

Who’s hot to Trot?

And who do women need like a hole in the head? Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Top Stories0 Comments

Four Things You Really Didn’t Know You Could Do Online

Four Things You Really Didn’t Know You Could Do Online

The World Wide Web is full of wonderful – but often very weird – things. Whilst there are undeniably some dark corners to the internet, there are also some downright hilarious and strange ones, too. We’re all online every day, often quite literally incessantly. But regardless of the number of selfies you have posted, likes gained and pins you have on Pinterest, there still are lots and lots of things we suspect you don’t know you can do online. Isn’t it time you shake things up a bit? Here are just four of them.

You Can Rent A Husband

“Ev the Handyman” (CC BY 2.0) by massless

Woah, there. Minds out of the gutter, please! Renting a husband is actually a really smart idea, particularly for all those lady executives out there who have a million and one other things to do than stuff around the house! Whether you’re a single parent, a career machine, or anything in between, sometimes it can be a bit of a blessing to have a man around. That shelf that you’ve been meaning to put up, or that fuse you just can’t figure out how to replace? He’ll do it. And the best bit? You can kick him to the curb when he’s done! And let’s make it clear: you can hire one of these handymen regardless of your gender or sexual preference too.

You Can Handle Invisible Money

Alright, alright… it’s exciting, but before you get your hopes up too much, there’s no invisibility cloak available like in Harry Potter (yet, but there soon might be). However, you can try your hand at using Bitcoin, which is arguably the most up-and-coming currency on the market. Online gambling is massively popular, but that can sometimes mean worrying about whether your money is safe online. The intangible digital currency of Bitcoin takes most of the safety and privacy concerns associated with using your cards online out of the equation. Yes, Bitcoin doesn’t exist as banknotes or coins at all. While it’s still accountable and perfectly usable, it’s in fact a sophisticated series of numbers, which all have to go through a digital ledger to be verified as a transaction. The technical dets are quite complicated, but the point is that this invisible money can be used to do all sorts of things online, including betting on sports like football and rugby. In fact, sites just like Sportsbet have chosen to go all in on Bitcoin, offering their services exclusively in this type of money which kind of doesn’t even feel real, since it never even touches your hands!

You Can Become A Lord Or Lady

Ever wanted to sound a bit posh? There’s no better way to do it than simply becoming a Lord or a Lady. It’s one of the best ways to gain respect without even showing your face, and, you guessed it – it’s easily done with just the click of a button. It used to be only those born into aristocracy who were able to boast such titles, through inheritance. A lucky few had the title bestowed upon them by royalty. However, these days, you can get your own fancy title in front of your name – so why not ditch the ‘Mr’ or ‘Ms’? UK law says you can call yourself anything you like, apparently… although what your friends will call you after they hear about this is another matter entirely!

You Can Get A Plush Replica Of Your Pet

“Blender Pet Again” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by DannoHung

It’s a fact – some of us are just way, way too attached to our pets! Whether your bundle of joy is far away or has sadly passed (or your pet is fine but you just can’t get enough), there is a solution for when you’re feeling cheated out of its cuddles. Clone it, of course – no, we don’t mean actual cloning, that’s too much for us, both ethically and financially. As if this wasn’t already the most obvious solution in the world, you can now get your very own stuffed replica, which will be able to give you love long after your real one can. Okay, sure, it’s not sentient. But hey, at least it doesn’t need to be fed (and it won’t ruin your carpets, either)!

There are some pretty awesome alternatives out there to mindlessly scrolling through social media – and these are just a few. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen online?

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

How Fake News is made (plus who, why and how)

How Fake News is made (plus who, why and how)

In the 2016 election season, Fake News websites sprung up quickly and in shocking numbers. Many believed their lies and voted based on them, but what IS fake news and how does it work?

How propagan-do???

Making headlines is hard, but making fake news is as easy as ABC (but in Russian). Fake news comes from Macedonia, Russia, these United States, and really everywhere. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes, Video News0 Comments

How our Mockumentary is Really Made (Video Exclusive)

How our Mockumentary is Really Made (Video Exclusive)

If you’ve seen this channel, you know me, Bobby Joe, the voice of the popular “How REALLY Do” series.

Well good news, they’re making a documentary all about me, my life, and my rise to fame as the voice of a generation.

But we need your help, and no, we don’t need your money. We just need you to tell us what you want to know about me.

They’ll be interviewing our crack team of research writers, producers, biggest fans and critics as well as people what who know about films, documentaries and book learning overall. I’ll be in it of course so you’ll finally get to see my big dumb face and come to know me real darn well. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Video News0 Comments

Social Media Icons

Social Media Icons

I mentioned a while back that this was going to be a BIG YEAR.

Well, we now have an unbelievable panoply social media sharing icons at the bottom of every article!

Make sure you avail of them.

We’re always looking to make things bigger and better, here at Glossy News.

For any new pitches, submissions or feedback, please email Brian glossynews@gmail.com or Wallace wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes, Top Stories0 Comments

Fake News for Fake People: (3/3)

This is KIND OF fake news, insofar as it hasn’t actually happened yet.

Loudmouthed Boston characters to replace the previously shy & retiring NYC ones?

C’mon, people!

MAKE IT HAPPEN

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Here’s a salutary lesson for INTELLIGENT Twitter users…

Or not so much, as the case may be.

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Death of a beautiful career?

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Not a fake quote, but easily misunderstood until you probe a little deeper.

Cartman gets an anal probe?

Nah! Ike gets a deeply fastidious one!

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Sorry about the small writing. I guess that’s the least of our worries. What IS IT with this pretentious idiot?

(Sorry, did I mean Ted Haggard or Richard Dawkins?)

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PSSSST!
Don’t worry if the print on that last one was too small to read.
You’re REALLY, REALLY not missing too much.

download (41)

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Fake Memes for Fake People: (2/3)

WTF? Did Orwell actually say this?

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Citrus surprise looking a little bitter

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Fake tan, fake opinions, fake Trump card

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Fake-o liberals and conservatives in Germany think book burning is more effective than winning the argument against fascism

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Fake Memes for Fake People: (1/3)

Whatever happens, Ensuite Johnny gonna Ensuite! Lookin’ pretty chill there, bro!

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Dave on his best behaviour for the New Year? Pigs will fly! 😉

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There are those who demonize and stereotype autistic folks. But then, there are also those self-diagnosed autistic justice warriors who try to gild us.

Hardly much of an improvement, is it?

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STOP HATE SPEECH AGAINST CORPORATIONS

THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO, AND THEY HAVE FEELINGS!

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***

Psst! Two more instalments coming up tomorrow!
If you have some memes you made and want to share with us, email wallacerunnymede@gmail.com.
We’ll make sure to put ’em up there!
Wallace

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse.

At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that our plane of existence is only one of an infinite number of universes with distinct histories, thereby putting an end to decades of debate in the scientific community.

When pressed about the connection between Trump and the multiverse, Suarez stated that the U.S. presidential election results struck the scientific community as such an astronomically improbable event that they inspired some of the world’s leading mathematicians and physicists to calculate their likelihood.

Given Trump’s flagrant contempt for women, blacks, Hispanics, the LGBTQ community, Muslims, immigrants, disabled persons, war heroes, and basic human decency, the scientists discovered that the odds of his election were so prodigiously minute that they proved we reside in the only universe in the infinite multiverse where this could have possibly taken place.

Suarez stated that, “When scientists previously theorized about the multiverse, they postulated that anything that could possibly happen actually did, only in an alternate timeline. In other words, there’s a universe where Germany won the Second World War, another where Kim Kardashian is Pope, and a third where people eat nothing but asparagus. In some universes, humans have arms growing out of their foreheads or tank treads instead of feet. Literally every possible scenario exists in a reality separate from our own. It therefore struck us that, somewhere in some other universes, scientists were discussing the preposterous assertion that the United States would elect Donald Trump president. It turns out we were right. And they laughed at us.”

When pressed about who exactly “laughed at us,” Suarez replied with, “We built a machine to communicate with the other universes, and most of them laughed at us. We also received quite a few condolences. Pope Kim the First wrote us a very heartfelt epistle. The asparagus universe’s scientists are working on a device to ship us a bouquet of conciliatory… well… asparagus. We tried to dissuade them, but they insisted.”

Apparently, several universes remarked on our terrible situation, including one where people eat their own feces for breakfast, another where giant praying mantises evolved to become our autocratic masters, and a third where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse hold sway over a shattered hellscape. They all thanked their respective gods/demons/insect overlords that they did not reside in our reality.

Asked if any universes expressed joy at Trump’s election, Suarez paused and responded “Well, the universe where Donald Trump is Emperor of the Moon thought it was pretty great.”

Suarez concluded her briefing by addressing how the scientific community planned to utilize this amazing discovery. “We’re working on a machine to transport us into literally any other universe. I personally want to get the hell out of here, and I’m sure many of you feel the same.”

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Science2 Comments

How Bridges Are Really Made

How Bridges Are Really Made

Bridges

Bridges span everything from troubled waters to Terabithia, and are a major important, but how they really made?

WHERE DO BRIDGE?
First, political leaders identify a place where bridges done need to be made.
They do this by looking where folks go and how much water or revines there do is.
From there, they identify the shortest point from A to B where they should bridge. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Top Stories0 Comments

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues. But Will You One Day Make It?

Glossy News Classics: The Series Continues. But Will You One Day Make It?

Regular readers will be aware that we recently launched the Glossy News Classics series.

Choice cuts and prime pickings from the vast, VAST back catalog of the second longest-running fake news humor site! Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (3/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (3/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715963479623147520 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (2/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (2/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715960731255091201 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (1/3)

Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump (1/3)

https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715959324208676864 Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Music0 Comments

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