Bobby “Stock Still” Jenkins, arguably the world’s most well-known dead body, has died at the age of 62. “When I found him lying face down in his breakfast, I just thought he was doing it again. Pretending to be dead when he really wasn’t,” Mrs. Grace Jenkins, Bobby’s wife of 35 years said. “I’m still not absolutely sure, but he’s been in the ground three days now and nothing yet.” Read more World’s Most Beloved Dead Body Dies ›
The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with guest hosting special thanks to Ty The Voice guy from www.tythevoiceguy.webs.com – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAD-bZYukrAef732gxP84NA
All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.
Here are just some of the topics covered in the the July 25th, 2016 edition.
* Netflix would be WAY better if it had a preview channel. Not just offering a trailer here and there, but an unending stream of trailers based first on your suggested videos, then expanding to show all sorts of things. Allow us to give the thumbs up or down, or add it to our playlist. So much better than just trying to filter through everything.
* How high do professional fireworks shows go up in the air? The answer may surprise you, or more likely, just confuse you, since the numbers only sort of make sense anyhow and there’s math involved. Plus you’d have to know what fireworks they’re actually using.
* Exclusive telephone interview with Bill Clinton!!! He dishes about the upcoming election and shares his thoughts on the candidates and who you should vote for.
* Meet the man with a real life super power of finding and controlling the natural behavior of mosquitoes.
* Why in the heck does the History Channel insist on measuring everything in football fields and Olympic Swimming pools? It’s confusing at best, but more likely, just a bit dishonest. They SAY football fields, but they want us to THINK football stadiums. It makes it sound bigger than it is. Just give me the facts, man.
Listen to it
Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.
The new Freddie Mercury biopic proceeds apace. Various news reports reminded us of how Sacha Baron Cohen will not be playing the role of Freddie Mercury in this film after all. It seems that Cohen’s vision of the film was that of an anarchic Swiftian livewire, but not everyone agreed with his approach. Classic example of ‘artistic differences.’
But Brian May has recently revealed that Freddie Mercury once found himself in a very similar situation for the previously little known Francis Ford Coppola biopic of Disraeli. The latter edgy arthouse flick, by now, is ignobly confined to late night History Channel re-runs and David Cameron’s ludicrously antiquated and irrelevant stash of Betamax Z-movies.
The independent expose website Wakileaks has gotten hold of the original contractual agreement the Disney Corporation demanded that Director Abrams agree to before filming the new, highly anticipated and already over hyped Star Wars movie. Wakileaks then leaked it out to us, the rabid Star Wars film fanatics who are waiting with baited breath and fanged teeth for its Dec. 18th release.
Unbeknownst to the press and we Star Wars geeks, Disney has insisted that Director J.J. Abrams make the upcoming seventh installment of the Star Wars mega-franchise a musical, hoping to continue Disney’s legacy of hit making song and dance movies such as Mary Poppins and Frozen.
Abrams was fiercely opposed to this idea until made to think otherwise by an oversized Wookie henchman who threatened to rip his arms off.
Caption Text Goes Here: Honest John: Under the influence of the Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth.
This shocking suppressed interview with the prime minister of the New Zealand realm, John Phillip Key (AKA ‘the Smiling Assassin’), delves deeper into the reasons underpinning the bullying of a waitress by the country’s leader. It was conducted by The New Zealand Herald’s editor, Shayne Currie, who had his ‘plumber mates’ break in to the world headquarters of Snoopman News Group to steal the most coveted treasure of the media world, Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth.
Shayne Currie: I’ve read a draft of Amanda Bailey’s [the harassed waitress] account. She mentions the power disparity at play, wherein she is a waitress, and you’re the prime minister, with the protection of two body-guards and in the company of your wife on each of your visits to the Hip Group franchised café, Rosie. She asserts that after you’d pulled her ponytail on numerous occasions, and she’d made it clear by her body language that she didn’t like having her hair pulled, you continued to tug her ponytail. Why did you repeatedly pull waitress Amanda Bailey’s hair like a naughty three year-old?
SC: So, Crosby Textor figured this new ‘stock in political-horse trade’ trick could make the Trichophilia appear like fatherly affection, care and attention?
JK: Exactly! It was genius.
A Fetish Outing: People thought it was wee bit weird
SC: But, how would the serial hair-pulling of a waitress help your political party’s re-election bid and beyond? I mean, the waitress claims that she became more direct with her brush-offs, and you then pretended it was your wife Bronagh doing the hair-pulling. Was that like a change of game plan to get ‘a rise’ [heighten the tension] out of her, so you could brag about it with your investment class supporters?
JK: Yep. The idea was that I’d push it into a public social setting, where I’d get more, more, more, you know, triple-more tipsy and brag about my antics-before and after-dark – for hours – because as Bill English has told journalists, I love to natter at length because I have a big ego.
SC: Let me get this straight. Brag to who exactly?
JK: Brag to National’s hardcore primary constituency, the big donors, who take ‘male entitlement’ as a given, since the term actually means boys and men expect women to serve and be submissive to jerks like us.
SC: But, why?
JK: My antics were signaling to male capitalists that I have the politics of the struggling working class firmly in hand.
This was especially important to do after getting the Employment Relations Amendment bill passed into law last year, which Bronagh and I needed to fire our house-cleaner because she did nothing around our thirteen million-dollar mansion, as I mentioned to the president of the New Zealand Council of Trade Unions Helen Kelly when she met me to express concerns over the employment bill.
So bragging about my ponytail pulling antics made my bad-ass reputation among the Male Entitlement Fraternity [or ‘the Old Boys Network’] shoot upward.
SC: So, the audience for the hair-tugging antics was like an inside track while the wider public crowd only saw the Nice Guy Key stuff.
JK: Yup. We dubbed it Split Enz. [Key guffawing and snorting]
SC: That… sounds psychopathic. [Currie snickering, Key snorting]. So, you’re not concerned that this Ponytail scandal unravels Brand Key?
JK: Look, you know as well as I do that New Zealand’s mainstream media pull their punches when it comes to me and my pro-corporate party. The Parliamentary Press Corp are still under my spell since that time I charmed them with a cake I made on a flight aboard an Air Force Orion transporter to China in April 2013. The reef fish [parliament-beat reporters] contracted a variation of Stockholm Syndrome and behaved like five year-olds at a birthday party.They still feel weird about it when they brush their teeth.
SC: I mean, Nicky Hager’s book Dirty Politics exposed your political party’s two-track communications strategy, wherein your party machine manufactured your ‘Nice Guy’ persona, while the same machine outsourced dirty political attacks to right wing bloggers, with the complicity of the mainstream media.
JK: Yes. And your newspaper was complicit in that process Shayne, so stop trying to occupy the middle cross among ‘sinners’.
JK: Well, besides being an enormous amount of fun, you have to understand that New Zealand is treated like a lab by the rulers of the world, the Illuminati, who have an obsessive-compulsive disorder to embody the Cult of World Domination. The Illuminati have been variously identified over time as, the Fraternity, the Grid, and the Committee of 300 [They self-identify as the Olympiards, according to former MI6 agent, John Coleman].
JK: Pretty much. The movie The Usual Suspects, starring Kevin Spacey, is a cult-classic in the National party. We’ve taken the line, “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”, as a mantra.
SC:[Sniggering] How do you avoid getting confused between what is true and the lies you fabricate?
JK: Awww look, you need to use the truth as your reference point for ‘managing the optics’. There’s no doubt about it, lying gets complicated without such reference points first being surveyed to maintain the inherent logic of the copies of reality being manufactured. That holds true for any practitioners of ‘speed politics’ who possess a significant command of resources, as scholar in International Law Eric Wilson argues in Crimes Against Reality.
JK: To be honest, since you have me tied up and I feel weirdly compelled to tell the truth for once, Amanda has a very tantalising ponytail. I like it when girls wear ponytails because of the way their neck looks, especially when they have that neck hair that won’t reach into the ponytail. [Pause] My party’s public relations firm Crosby Textor told me to add, ‘I’m wondering if I’m a bit gay or something? Go figure!’ Because they said that would rebuild sympathy with female voters. New Zealanders are such sucker-luckers for my manufactured down-to-earth persona.
SC: I’m going to loosen the rope so you can be ‘a-large’ again.
[As the interview ends, sounds of Key caressing and sniffing the rope can be heard]
JK: Is the rope made of hemp, or horse-hair?
SC: Ponytail hair.
JK: Filly girl’s hair? [Sounding excited]
SC: It may be make-believe girl’s hair or make-real girl’s hair. Whatever optical fantasy you want it to be John. We’re all in this together.
JK: Neigh! [Sounds of Key scuffing his shoe on the carpet
St. Louis, Missouri – As the newest Ghostbusters film comes closer to fruition, more and more companies are releasing products that, in thought, will appeal to the everyday consumer who doubles as a Ghostbusterian.
The latest household name to join in on the ghost hunt? The Nestlé Purina PetCare Company with an innovative treat, featuring a new take on their original Beggin’ Strips that have gone unchanged since they debuted in 1993.