Archive | Comics

Cat-Rehab Clinics Sprouting Up Around the Nation (comic)

Cat-Rehab Clinics Sprouting Up Around the Nation (comic)

Addiction is no laughing matter. I tried to get high with my cat the other day, but the Nip we bought was apparently bunk, since it did nothing but give me a bit of a headache. Then I look over, and he’s saaaaailing. Guess it half-worked.

But what happens when Snuggums takes one hit too many? What happens when he goes from adorable, goofy furball rolling on the carpet, to evil, addicted killing machine? Continue Reading

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Dog Admits Why He Really Loves His Owner (comic)

Dog Admits Why He Really Loves His Owner (comic)

If you think you know why your dog LIKES you, you’re probably right. If you think you know why your dog LOVES you, you’re likely awfully, awfully wrong.

Dogs are simple creatures. They know love, fear, rage and satisfaction… what they don’t know could fill a library, much as it could with a human, but a solid 1% less. Continue Reading

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Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

Imagine if penguins got around to being hack philosophers, and they did it causal Friday. Casual Friday? Either way, doesn’t matter, they’re just flightless birds, so don’t take them too seriously.

If causality had made you a penguin, would you ponder the existence of existence? Continue Reading

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Contest: Bet You Cannot Spot the Difference

Contest: Bet You Cannot Spot the Difference

You’ll want to enlarge it (by clicking on the image) and study it studiously. The first reader to write back to me with the difference will receive a $20 Visa gift card. Can you spot the difference, or do you have to cheat?

CLICK the image to enlarge it and see it full-size.

NOTE: Reader Erickj2 snapped up the prize within mere seconds of going live, apparently by simply reading the footer of the graphic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Does Your Dog Suffer From Any-Attention-Span? (comic)

Does Your Dog Suffer From Any-Attention-Span? (comic)

Some say that dogs are incredibly smart, while other, equally credible people, say dogs are incredibly dumb.

This comic doesn’t endeavor to judge dogs, just meet them on their level and love them for what wonderful stanky fart-factories they are, mange aside. Continue Reading

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Are Pets He/She… or IT? (comic)

Are Pets He/She… or IT? (comic)

This troubled me as a young kid. I referred to my dog as a “she” only to be corrected. My dog was apparently an “it”, even though I knew her gender… its gender?

Well that’s the human perspective, so I guess we should look to see the perspective from the beast’s side of it. Continue Reading

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Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

The turbo-patriots like to cling to some notion of America than never was, like saying we’re a Christian nation (we aren’t,) or that English should be our national language (it shouldn’t.)

If you really want to lavish your founders with undue and absurd praise, I’ll take it back a tad further. The Western world was discovered by none other than the small-earct navigator Christopher Columbus, to his tremendous luck.

Had math been as right as it was, which is was, he’d have starved to death in the Atlantic… but no, turns out there’s land there. Continue Reading

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Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)

Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)

Ever had that opposite-gender friend you were “just friends” with, and wanted to take it to another level? Well there is another level, but sadly, you’re probably not in the same place.

Once you each spill the beans, there’s little left to be said but “Sorry, maybe we can be friends again in the future.” Short answer advice, just keep it to yourself. If it was meant to be, it will happen without intervention. Continue Reading

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Dog Likes Cat, Promptly Shamed (comic)

Dog Likes Cat, Promptly Shamed (comic)

I once had a cat. I was too little to remember it. I had siblings though, and we fought like cats and/or dogs and/or cats & dogs. Normally it was fine, but sometimes it was… well let’s just say it was interesting.

But what would actually happen if a dog admitted to liking a cat. Sure, we’ve all seen the critters cuddling up on Reddit, but surely they have to be sedated to be so friendly. I know that’s what it takes to get me to cuddle, and while I’m catty, I’m also a dog. Continue Reading

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Scientific Study Proves Cats Have No Sense of Humor (comic)

Scientific Study Proves Cats Have No Sense of Humor (comic)

Sometimes you make a joke and it’s almost like your dog is right there with you. He doesn’t know what you said, but he’s in the moment. He gets it… the same can be said of cats precisely zero times ever in the history of the earth.

Sorry cats, but scientifically, you just you just don’t have a funny bone. This comic explains what cats actually do find funny, and how they explain it to one another. Continue Reading

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Study: Men Will Say Anything for Sex Opportunity (comic)

Study: Men Will Say Anything for Sex Opportunity (comic)

If you’ve ever tasted alcohol, you know what it’s like to crave a sub-desirable person of the opposite sex, and if you’ve ever gotten to know them well enough, you know what it is to lie about who you are, what you want and where you’re going in life just to get a taste of them.

I’m not condoning the practice, but I am acknowledging it. It happens on both sides of the gender aisle. He’s cute enough but dumb as a post. She’s morbidly obese but still technically has a vagina. It’s the same thing either way. Continue Reading

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Feline Study Finds Lasers Effective for Hair Removal (comic)

Feline Study Finds Lasers Effective for Hair Removal (comic)

Cats around the world love one thing, and that’s hating that elusive red dot that sometimes appears on the carpet, the drapes, and the crotch of a soon to be ex-friend.

Cat’s aren’t crazy, they know this is just an ephemeral thing. But they are dumb, so they chase it with every ounce of their being… and when it lands on their own fur… well, they do what anyone would do. Continue Reading

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What Happens if You Don’t Worship Your Dog (comic)

What Happens if You Don’t Worship Your Dog (comic)

Ever come home from what you thought was a normal day only to find your home utterly destroyed by the very beast you’d thought was supposed to be your best friend? Well either you lent your couch to a tweaker buddy, or you didn’t give your Fido quite enough attention.

We all wonder what goes through a dog’s head as he completely trashes your home, but luckily you have me, and I have the answers, so just suckle from the comic teat, my baby, and enjoy the wisdom you gain… can you tell I’m trying to fill column-inches… because I am. Continue Reading

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Surely There’s Some Value in a Tranny Club (comic)

Surely There’s Some Value in a Tranny Club (comic)

I mean, I’m not sure there is, but when I went to New Orleans, my very own mother invited me to join her in a tranny club. Yes, a Chicks-with-Dicks club… I respectfully declined.

It’s not that I’m not into unusual and interesting things, it’s just that A) I’m not into those particular unusual things, and B) Even if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t go to such a place with my mother!!! Continue Reading

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Happy 4th of July, Especially if you’re a cat (comic)

Happy 4th of July, Especially if you’re a cat (comic)

‘Tis the time of year again, when children squeal with delight, parents take them to the emergency room, and medics of every stripe earn overtime pay.

But you know who really loves the fourth of July? If you said used car salesman and blowout mattress dealers, you’d be right, but only half right, because the real winner on Independence Day (not Will Smith, though I guess him too,) is cats. Continue Reading

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Plantation History is Black & White (comic)

Plantation History is Black & White (comic)

I took a plantation tour, and my co-worker gave me hell about it. Never mind that it was a plantation owned by a free man of color, that it was hundreds of years ago, and that my white ancestors weren’t even in the country at the time… still history, honey.

So if you get a chance, take a plantation tour. It doesn’t matter if it was owned by a white man or a free man of color, it’s still an important part of our history, and knowing it is the key to not repeating it. Continue Reading

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