Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

Imagine if penguins got around to being hack philosophers, and they did it causal Friday. Casual Friday? Either way, doesn’t matter, they’re just flightless birds, so don’t take them too seriously.

If causality had made you a penguin, would you ponder the existence of existence? Read more Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

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Contest: Bet You Cannot Spot the Difference

You’ll want to enlarge it (by clicking on the image) and study it studiously. The first reader to write back to me with the difference will receive a $20 Visa gift card. Can you spot the difference, or do you have to cheat?

CLICK the image to enlarge it and see it full-size.

NOTE: Reader Erickj2 snapped up the prize within mere seconds of going live, apparently by simply reading the footer of the graphic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

The turbo-patriots like to cling to some notion of America than never was, like saying we’re a Christian nation (we aren’t,) or that English should be our national language (it shouldn’t.)

If you really want to lavish your founders with undue and absurd praise, I’ll take it back a tad further. The Western world was discovered by none other than the small-earct navigator Christopher Columbus, to his tremendous luck.

Had math been as right as it was, which is was, he’d have starved to death in the Atlantic… but no, turns out there’s land there. Read more Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

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Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)

Ever had that opposite-gender friend you were “just friends” with, and wanted to take it to another level? Well there is another level, but sadly, you’re probably not in the same place.

Once you each spill the beans, there’s little left to be said but “Sorry, maybe we can be friends again in the future.” Short answer advice, just keep it to yourself. If it was meant to be, it will happen without intervention. Read more Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)

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Dog Likes Cat, Promptly Shamed (comic)

I once had a cat. I was too little to remember it. I had siblings though, and we fought like cats and/or dogs and/or cats & dogs. Normally it was fine, but sometimes it was… well let’s just say it was interesting.

But what would actually happen if a dog admitted to liking a cat. Sure, we’ve all seen the critters cuddling up on Reddit, but surely they have to be sedated to be so friendly. I know that’s what it takes to get me to cuddle, and while I’m catty, I’m also a dog. Read more Dog Likes Cat, Promptly Shamed (comic)

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Scientific Study Proves Cats Have No Sense of Humor (comic)

Sometimes you make a joke and it’s almost like your dog is right there with you. He doesn’t know what you said, but he’s in the moment. He gets it… the same can be said of cats precisely zero times ever in the history of the earth.

Sorry cats, but scientifically, you just you just don’t have a funny bone. This comic explains what cats actually do find funny, and how they explain it to one another. Read more Scientific Study Proves Cats Have No Sense of Humor (comic)

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Study: Men Will Say Anything for Sex Opportunity (comic)

If you’ve ever tasted alcohol, you know what it’s like to crave a sub-desirable person of the opposite sex, and if you’ve ever gotten to know them well enough, you know what it is to lie about who you are, what you want and where you’re going in life just to get a taste of them.

I’m not condoning the practice, but I am acknowledging it. It happens on both sides of the gender aisle. He’s cute enough but dumb as a post. She’s morbidly obese but still technically has a vagina. It’s the same thing either way. Read more Study: Men Will Say Anything for Sex Opportunity (comic)

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Feline Study Finds Lasers Effective for Hair Removal (comic)

Cats around the world love one thing, and that’s hating that elusive red dot that sometimes appears on the carpet, the drapes, and the crotch of a soon to be ex-friend.

Cat’s aren’t crazy, they know this is just an ephemeral thing. But they are dumb, so they chase it with every ounce of their being… and when it lands on their own fur… well, they do what anyone would do. Read more Feline Study Finds Lasers Effective for Hair Removal (comic)

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What Happens if You Don’t Worship Your Dog (comic)

Ever come home from what you thought was a normal day only to find your home utterly destroyed by the very beast you’d thought was supposed to be your best friend? Well either you lent your couch to a tweaker buddy, or you didn’t give your Fido quite enough attention.

We all wonder what goes through a dog’s head as he completely trashes your home, but luckily you have me, and I have the answers, so just suckle from the comic teat, my baby, and enjoy the wisdom you gain… can you tell I’m trying to fill column-inches… because I am. Read more What Happens if You Don’t Worship Your Dog (comic)

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Surely There’s Some Value in a Tranny Club (comic)

I mean, I’m not sure there is, but when I went to New Orleans, my very own mother invited me to join her in a tranny club. Yes, a Chicks-with-Dicks club… I respectfully declined.

It’s not that I’m not into unusual and interesting things, it’s just that A) I’m not into those particular unusual things, and B) Even if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t go to such a place with my mother!!! Read more Surely There’s Some Value in a Tranny Club (comic)

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Happy 4th of July, Especially if you’re a cat (comic)

‘Tis the time of year again, when children squeal with delight, parents take them to the emergency room, and medics of every stripe earn overtime pay.

But you know who really loves the fourth of July? If you said used car salesman and blowout mattress dealers, you’d be right, but only half right, because the real winner on Independence Day (not Will Smith, though I guess him too,) is cats. Read more Happy 4th of July, Especially if you’re a cat (comic)

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Plantation History is Black & White (comic)

I took a plantation tour, and my co-worker gave me hell about it. Never mind that it was a plantation owned by a free man of color, that it was hundreds of years ago, and that my white ancestors weren’t even in the country at the time… still history, honey.

So if you get a chance, take a plantation tour. It doesn’t matter if it was owned by a white man or a free man of color, it’s still an important part of our history, and knowing it is the key to not repeating it. Read more Plantation History is Black & White (comic)

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Gosh, This Cocaine Sure Smells Amazing (comic)

Know how some things just smell fantastic? Roses, fresh tennis balls, your own farts? It’s all the same, but for this guy, he just really loves the smell of cocaine, and as he huffs it up gram-by-gram, he continues to learn a new appreciation for it.

If you don’t know what cocaine smells like, you should cut yourself off a line, harf it up, and tell me it’s not the sweetest burn of back-of-head-burning-aspirin you’ve ever had the pleasure of… let’s crank up some music! Read more Gosh, This Cocaine Sure Smells Amazing (comic)

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What’s the Best Thing About Being a Dog? (comic)

A well kept dog is generally a happy animal, but why is it so happy? Is it because of all the love you lavish upon it, or just because it can’t remember that you cut off its reproductive organs so you could have a pet?

Why can’t it be all that. All that and so much more. The only part that matters is that your dog loves you and has a happy life, and you made all that possible. Just accept that the tongue lapping your face was on balls and ass mere minutes before and rejoice in the love you get. Read more What’s the Best Thing About Being a Dog? (comic)

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Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)

We all know what love is, it’s falling unconditionally in love with another person so that they can do no wrong… until, of course, they actually do wrong, then to hell with them! Amirite?

The conditions on your love may be simple or complex, plain or convoluted, but one truth remains, it’s impossibly bullshitty.

Him going to game night with his buddies, like has since forever, is actually normal. Her buying makeup you don’t think she needs is just part of her ritual. Read more Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)

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Ever Wondered About the Gross Taste in Your Mouth? (comic)

Dogs are great, but also weird and sometimes a bit gross. You know how unpleasant it is when you burp up the taste of onion rings… yeah, well, imagine you have the diet of a dog.

Personally, I’ve never had never had this experience. Then again, there’s a lot of things I haven’t done. Unlike all the others I can think of, this one isn’t on my bucket list. Read more Ever Wondered About the Gross Taste in Your Mouth? (comic)

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