Deaf 3 Year Old Arrested for Sneaking Finger-Guns into School

Hunter Spanjer, who also goes by Little John Wayne or the Tiny Terminator depending on the social situation, was arrested last week for bringing firearms onto school property. Though, to be clear, it wasn’t an “arm”, it was his fingers so the technical term would be “firefinger”.

Nebraska school officials, upon receiving a tip, quickly notified the authorities of the imminent danger to their campus and possible hostage situation that was taking place.

According to Hunter’s teacher, each of the students were required to come to the front of the class and introduce themselves to their classmates. Madness ensued.

“The child came up and began his introduction (I didn’t think anything was wrong or off about it). But, as he was signing his name, that’s when I saw it. I screamed, ‘He’s got a gun!’ and leapt behind my desk for cover.

In ten minutes, SWAT was inside the school with a hostage negotiator. However, after learning that he meant no harm but had only brought them in for “show and tell”, they convinced Hunter to “put his fingers” down, thus completely diffusing a tense and possibly explosive situation.

“We had heard a rumor earlier that day,” one official revealed, “that Hunter had flashed one of his weapons during a heated game of rock, paper, scissors, substituting it for the much disputed “dynamite” move that we all know is illegal and should be banned from the game.”

Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

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