Author: jeff boldt
Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls
In theaters now! If you liked Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn’s performance in the original 2004 sports comedy, then you are going to love Iron E-Media’s latest release: “DOJBall” (starring Attorney General Eric Holder). With such memorable lines as, “No…
Deaf 3 Year Old Arrested for Sneaking Finger-Guns into School
Hunter Spanjer, who also goes by Little John Wayne or the Tiny Terminator depending on the social situation, was arrested last week for bringing firearms onto school property. Though, to be clear, it wasn’t an “arm”, it was his fingers…
DOJ Investigates DOJ, DOJ Clears DOJ in DOJ Review
After information has come to light regarding Chief Justice Eric Holder’s seizure of months of AP phone records and targeting of journalists such as James Rosen and David Sanger, Mr. Holder must now answer…to himself. Upon reading about the entire…
“Rainbow” Comes Out as Heterosexual
In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of…
Republicans Force Illegal Immigrants out of the Country–305 Million to Leave Immediately
WASHINGTON D.C.–In a historic, and extremely surprising, turn of events for the land of the free and home of the brave, almost 90% of its diverse population has now found itself without a country or a home. Yesterday, on Capitol…
Ringmaster Carney Helps Obama Turn Scandals into Circus Spectacular
In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown…
Pat Robertson’s Releases Greatest Hits Tape–In Category All by Itself
In his own inimitable way, televangelist and former political aspirant, Pat Robertson, announced the release of his highly anticipated “Greatest Hits” VHS tape on his show The 700 Club yesterday. Five minutes later, it had already gone gold. “It’s unbelievable,…
Cute Cat Videography Now College Major, Viable Career Path
Forbes new power list of top college majors for 2013 features a new, though unsurprising, field of study: Taking videos and pictures of the cutest cats you can find and then posting them online in excess. This new category of…
A Realists Guide to Goals and, Whatever
1. Set goals. This is probably the most important part in achieving them. 2. If you suck at something, give up. I know people say, “If at first you don’t succeed…” yada yada, but come on, do you want to…
Human Really Impressing Other Humans Right Now
We’ve lived on this planet for thirty-five years now, and though we have easily adopted their mannerisms, assumed their practices, and assimilated their languages, we think it’s safe to say there are some things that we will never understand –…