Domestic Terrorists Enraged Over Foreigners Taking Their Jobs

BAGGS, WYOMING- Notable domestic terror organizations are taking offence to the recent terror activities perpetrated by immigrants. These domestic terror organizations are characterized by their preference of white superiority and characterization of Jesus as a blue eyed, blond haired savior.

Their concerns have risen over the intolerable acts committed by Dzokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, the brothers whose family emigrated from Kyrgyzstan when they were young.

RIGHT: Some terrible person saying terrible things to other terrible people who are all human filth. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“This is exactly what we’ve been trying to tell the public about,” claims Derek Summers, a long time noted domestic terrorist now in custody for plotting attacks with weapons of mass destruction against the United States. He went on to add, “No one’s job is safe with the relaxed immigration policy put forth by this socialist regime.”

Summers is not the only one expressing lament over the terrible acts committed by the Tsarnaev brothers. Other fringe Christian organizations have lent their opinions to the matter.

A press release from the Westboro Baptist Church stated that, “Although this organization is glad to see terrible things happen to those who live in decadent sin, we do feel upset that it was carried out by two non-Christians. The church has made plenty of efforts trying to attract young freedom fighters who want to maim people in the name of god, but has failed to do so to the same degree as radical imams on the Internet.”

The Republican party has also elated some xenophobic sentiments. Mitch McConnel, Minority Leader of the US senate was quoted as saying, “This is what happens when you let them all in. They just take societal roles traditionally once held by Americans.”

It is not clear what actions are being taken by homegrown terrorist organizations in response to recent events, but what is clear is that they all seem to be against what happened in Boston.

Virgil Reaves, a long time white supremacist and domestic terrorist told reporters “It’s not that our organizations didn’t like what we saw in Boston, hell, we wish it could have been bigger, but the point is it wasn’t done by decent, god-fearing, white Americans. What do I tell my kids when they ask me why an inferior race got more publicity than any thing i ever did? It’s embarrassing, to say the least. It’s all because we just let every race, creed, and color in to this country. What ever happened to the good ‘ol days when you could count on American made terror? I guess nothings made here any more.”

When asked about the backlash from domestic terror organizations, Eric Holder, representing the Obama Administration explained, “there are predator drones geared up for every one, not just foreign nationals, but all who would plan heinous acts will receive their just punishment.”

Author: Jason Velez

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter