Author: Wallace Runnymede
Rush Bans Bibles From US Schools, Buchanan Equivocal(-ish) (I)
Normally it’s the Democratic Party that is accused of Warring-Against-Christianity™ and Driving-God-Out-Of-The-Schools™. But now the conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has jumped on the Pinko-Liberal-Secular-Darwinianist-Homosexual-Bandwagon: I mean, people are talking about all these superstitious and fanatical texts… that Quran…
Groundbreaking UKIP-Turn: Kippers Start Actually Hating Foreigners
Nigel Farage is concerned that his Edgy-Rhetorical-Hobby-Club is hemorrhaging voters. So His-Most-Exalted-Joe-Blogginess has come up with a plan to stop the rot (if not the moral decay) within his Circle-Jerk-Pet-Peeve-Party:
William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime
William Hague may no longer be (Anti)Foreign(er) Minister and Vice-Viceroy of the British Humanitarian Empire™… Nor indeed, a key business strategist for IntCom Imperialist Enterprises™… Still, he has maintained his healthy, thoroughly admirable, and perfectly laudable interest of all… To…
Enda Kenny Voted World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach
A recent RTE poll, unsurprisingly, has determined that Enda Kenny, despite malicious rumors from irrational and extremist Fianna Fail hooligans™, really is (as none of us really doubted), the World’s Most Charismatic Current Fine Gael Taoiseach. Admittedly, it was a…
Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History
Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you. OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’…
Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (2)
-Peter, great loyalty demands great sacrifice As you found out last time, the entire Glossy News team has been arrested on fake charges for prostitution… Although a certain informer called Wallace Runnymede (who shall remain anonymous, in order to have…
Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)
The End of The Truth? Glossynews, as you all no doubt agree (merely because WE say so; reason enough, right?!), is the single most… sorry, the SINGLE AND SOLE respected media outlet in the world. Well, in a world filled…
42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (2)
Yesterday, we ran Part One of this story. Today we conclude with the aptly named “Part Two”. These articles as to why Scientology is right and true could as easily span a hundred articles or whole book of copyright protected…
42 Reasons Why Scientology is Literally The Absolute Truth (1)
You’ve probably noticed: haters always criticize Scientology. Well, I’m going to educate all you curious and ripe-for-the-picking folks out there on why the doubters are wrong as Hell. Admittedly, some conspicuously pretentious sophists will say that the reasons given…
Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments
Not so long ago, I told you how top photogenic political superstar Hillary Clinton was arbitrarily and unfairly accused of upsetting some mourners at a funeral… With some (admittedly) fairly ill-timed, ill-judged, and most crucially, vindictively-taken-out-of-context comments™. These comments were…